Memorial Service Ideas

The Eagle Usually Wins-Even at the Funeral

February 20, 2019 urngarden.com

Its eagle season here in the Ozarks, lots of sightings and photos showing up on social media photography groups . The eagle has always captured the interest of Americans, or really, humans in general. Since the beginning of time. Strong, regal, stoic, and frankly a little scary sometimes.

Indian chiefs wore the eagle feather in their ceremonial headdress and decorated the sacred pipes that were used to communicate with the Great Spirit during rituals.

This bird is featured on our coin, advertising, and even in funeral arrangements.

Yes, the eagle shows up at the funeral home too. You can get caskets with an eagle theme, as well as urns.

Eagle Cremation Urns, Wings of Freedom

Eagle Creamation Urn for Ashes — Eagle Spirit in the Sky Box for Ashes

But the item I see the most at funerals around here is the memorial card, or funeral program. Several services that I’ve been to over the years for men that have passed away, has been this eagle template. It’s a popular choice for veterans.

The image is called On Freedom’s Wing, by wildlife artist, Rick Kelley and features the eagle gliding in front of majestic mountain painted to look like the American flag. I would link to his website gallery, but it looks like it’s been hacked.

The nice thing about this program (licenced through the Messenger company, and available at most funeral homes) is that, in addition to the beautiful artwork, you’ve got three pages that can be personalized with a photo, poem, bio, and service information.

The last funeral we attended, it was actually a memorial service, was at the local Elks Lodge to honor a “missing member”. In addition to the stunning flower arrangements, they used the Eagle funeral program and on the last page it featured the Eleven O’Clock Toast that is an Elks tradition.

“You have heard the tolling of eleven strokes.
This is to remind us that with Elks
the hour of eleven has a tender significance.
Wherever an Elk may roam,
Whatever his lot in life may be,
when this hour falls upon the dial of night
the great heart of Elkdom swells and throbs.
It is the golden hour of recollection,
the homecoming of those who wander,
the mystic roll call of those who will come no more.
Living or dead, an Elk is never forgotten, never forsaken.
Morning and noon may pass him by,
the light of day sink heedlessly in the West,
but ere the shadows of midnight shall fall,
the chimes of memory will be pealing forth
the friendly message —
“TO OUR ABSENT MEMBERS”

Beauty and Bravery. Courage and Grace. The Eagle might be the perfect symbol for a someone in a leadership role.

Sky King Eagle Cremation Urn for Human Adult

Here’s 3 characteristics of the regal eagle that might resemble your loved one:

Eagles Have Powerful Vision

Evidently eagles have tremendous eyesight capabilities. From the air, or on the ground, they can spot and target prey.

Eagles Are Fearless

Flying high and sometimes soaring directly into the storm, the fearless eagle will use the power of the storm front to rise to greater heights and do battle with the fiercest of competitors on the ground. Check out the dual between the eagle and the fox in this previous post.

Eagles Take Care of Family

Nurturing the young, and teaching the babies to fly. Guiding the youth and showing them the survival skills needed to stay alive.

At Urn Garden, we’re bird watchers too and have a whole collection of bird themed urns. Several featuring the eagle of course, but also hummingbirds, cardinals, bluebirds, and owls. We love them all and so do the families we serve.

If the eagle is the spirit animal of your dearly departed, fine. You’ll have an easier time staying on point while planning the memorial service. If you’d like to explore this concept further, we have a whole collection of cremation urns that honor spirit totems. This post, written earlier this year goes deeper and gives a better overview of the spirit animal totem.

source of 3 eagle characteristics:

https://toughnickel.com/business/7-Leadership-Characteristics-of-An-Eagle-That-Man-Should-Learn-From

How to Avoid Mistakes When Planning a Funeral Service

February 18, 2019 Kim Stacey

Before you roll your eyes, stop and think about what I’m saying: making funeral arrangements is a lot like hosting a social gathering (I hate to call it a party, but I will) and you have to do it when you’re feeling your worst. It’s almost inevitable some mistakes are going to be made, both in funeral planning and the follow-through.

Unlike the aforementioned concept of a ‘party ’, the event you’re planning isn’t one where people mill about without direction, talking about themselves. It’s a gathering which includes a choreographed performance – one where it’s intended members of the audience are encouraged to participate. The whole effort is complicated by many factors, not the least of which is the heavy grief felt by everyone involved, which can easily lead to mistakes.

Okay, maybe mistakes aren’t at all humorous at the time, but enough of them are to ensure YouTube has a vast collection of ‘funny funeral mistakes.’ Take “When Singing at a Funeral Goes Wrong” for example. But, most only mar what was to be a memorable occasion. Then, there’s the fact you can never get a “do-over.’ Your loved one’s funeral will happen only once. That realization can put pressure on you – but if you’ve ‘’bought time’ by requesting additional cold storage time (if the arrangements include whole-body burial) or by selecting cremation as your loved one’s disposition option.

There are dozens of other online articles about funeral mistakes. So man you’d think this one redundant and unimportant. I’m hoping not; it’s my intention to be a fresh, more holistic look at the issue. Here we go with our guide for avoiding funeral mistakes:

Funeral Planning Tips to Help You Avoid Mistakes

Here’s the truth of it: when you choose to live in community it’s like you’ve entered into a ‘social contract’ with those in your closest circles. You agree, in effect, to come together when social expectation (and maybe personal desire) demands it. We’re required to collectively celebrate: births and birthdays, graduations, marriages, anniversaries, business promotions, award presentations, retirement parties and, funerals. Unless you live in a remote cabin in the woods, that’s what you’ve agreed to do, in exchange for the numerous benefits of living in community.

Don’t Make it About You

You’re not there to shine more brightly than others; you’re there to support and comfort the bereaved family. Remember, funeral or memorial service attendance is a selfless, altruistic action, which requires that you forget your (to a large degree, anyway) own needs and focus on those of others. In short, you’re there for the benefit of other: to honor the deceased and care for the emotional well-being of his or her survivors.

Dress appropriately to your role.

That means different things for everyone in the room; if you’re a close family member, you’ll dress in a way as to demarcate yourself from the guests. If you’re a guest, ‘dressing appropriately’ can mean different things depending on the funeral situation.

Here in Santa Cruz County, it’s not unusual for guests to wear bright, summer-related shirts and dresses. Planning a memorial service? Don’t ask too much of your guests: if the temperature is below freezing, don’t ask them to wear beach attire. If you’re unclear about the correct attire, ask the funeral director or a family member. Ladies, no high-heeled shoes, as they increase the chances of falling (especially if there’s a graveside service involved.) what is it they say? “Wear sensible shoes.” I’d add to that “wear comfortable clothes.”

Contribute mindfully.

To say it another way, ‘think before you speak.” All too many times, funeral memories are marred by inappropriate, ill-times statements, made out of nervousness or a selfish desire to contribute. I can’t tell you how many stories I have about inappropriate speech.’ Remember, sometimes creating a deep connection with the bereaved via eye- or body-contact is far more powerful than words – especially if they’re ill-conceived.

Don’t be intrusive.

Other stories involve funeral attendees who think it’s okay to interrupt or intrusively present their opinions or memories of the deceased. Remember what your mother told you: “Don’t interrupt!” No matter how kind your words are it’s important to deliver them in a polite, respectful manner. (If you’re planning a funeral or memorial service ‘put the call out’ for speakers. Limit participation time, and organize contributors according to their relationship to the deceased. Consider the whole of the funeral experience, placing speakers into the order of service where appropriate.)

Don’t Give in to Feeling Rushed.

Ed Michael Reggie, author of “The 4 Biggest Mistakes People Make When Planning a Funeral” noted another all-too-common (yet easily avoided) funeral mistake: feeling rushed and panicky” about making funeral arrangements. Even if the death is unexpected and no pre-plans are available, it’s possible to ‘buy time’ by requesting extended refrigerated storage from the funeral home in question. If the deceased was cremated, you have “all the time in the world” to plan the memorial service. Either way, there’s no need to do a poor job in funeral planning because you feel pressed for time.

Don’t try to do it all alone. If you’re responsible for planning a funeral or memorial service, call for assistance. No one can think of everything, much less get it all done in the required time. I would recommend putting everything in the hands of your funeral professional. It could be a traditional funeral director or, if you think a home funeral is appropriate, then you’ll turn to your home funeral guide for help. (Of course, funeral home staff can make mistakes too; you’ll find dozens of online articles on that subject. One of the best is Caleb Wilde’s “Some of the Mistakes I’ve Made as a Funeral Director.”

Let’s Face It: Making Mistakes is Part of Being Human
Funeral mistakes happen, there’s no doubt about that. When one occurs–whether you’re the hosting family or a guest– it’s important to remember Alexander Pope’s oft-quotes words: “To err is human, to forgive, divine.“

Still, with that palliative said, consider these tips to help you avoid the most common funeral mistakes.

Looking for more information surrounding funeral planning? We’ve covered funeral planning issues before, in two posts. The first, “No Funeral, No Flowers: What I Learned Planning a Memorial Service ”is both personal and instructive. The second, “Planning an A-List Funeral. Goodbye Brooke Astor,” is also worth your time (if only to answer the question, “Who is Brooke Astor?”)!

Don’t Dismiss the Healing Power of Funeral Flowers

August 25, 2018 urngarden.com

power of flowers at funeral

Sadly, funerals have been on my itinerary more frequently the last couple of years. One disturbing trend that’s clear and often noted in the obituary is the phrase “in lieu of flowers”…. and I must say, I think it’s misguided. There’s nothing wrong with fundraising for the family or a favorite charity in place of the flowers, but when possible it’s a good idea to add floral arrangements to the service and here’s why.

Flowers Can Help Heal the Heart

Lately, the funerals we’ve attended have been for young people whose lives were cut short by the opioid epidemic. Two of the services were stark contrasts to each other. One, was loaded with flowers, the other, very minimal, with a couple of green plants. The mood at the funeral with flowers was actually a little lighter and brighter compared to the one that was barren. There is something about being surrounded by beauty in a very dark hour that helped to ease the pain.

A couple of weeks ago, a family friend committed suicide. He was well connected in our community and we were all shocked by this sudden end. His memorial service was held on a bright beautiful Saturday and was well attended, although, no one wanted to be there. That morning, I woke with a heavy heart, and a feeling of dread hung in the air. I really did not want to go to this sad gathering. The widow is a good friend and I could think of a million things I’d rather do. After jockeying for a place to park, we walked through the doors and were greeted by a familiar face handing out programs and then the stepped over to the guest book on a table that was loaded with beautiful flowers sent by grieving friends. That’s when I felt it. A feeling of calm washed over me. We’ve written about the healing power of flowers, it’s a well documented fact that you can read about all day long, and dates back to the beginning of time, but that Saturday, I actually experienced it myself.

The deceased was a veteran and had been cremated, so the family chose a patriotic themed urn and many of the arrangements were red, white, and blue, including a large flag made from flowers.

urn wreath funeral flowers

We are fortunate in that we have several friends that are in the floral business that experienced and super creative. I’ve been able to tap their talents and have beautiful creations that were made with love for my own departed friends and family members. I could see and feel the thought, care and precise placement of every single flower and leaf. One example would be garden statues and stones mixed into an arrangement. We kept it small enough to easily transport and it doubled as a lasting memorial gift. Another time, one of my florist friends did a gorgeous wreath to adorn my grandmother’s urn. The funeral home was right across the street and the florist was able to get the urn ahead of time to build the arrangement around it for a custom fit. She used white gardenias and roses and it was a perfect match and allowed us to have something to place on the grave at the burial. Even though the burial was a couple of days after the celebration of life service, we were able to keep the wreath looking fresh by storing it in a cool environment and lightly misting it.

For the friend that lost her daughter to a heroin overdose last summer, we commissioned an arrangement in her favorite color of purple that was centered around an angel figurine that her mother could keep as a remembrance.

angel funeral flower arrangement — Credit: Rose Among Thorns

My father in law was a baseball nut and huge Cardinal fan. When he passed away, our local florist made a baseball out of white carnations and red roses and placed it a display of baseball memorabilia.

baseball funeral flowers — Credit: Rose Among Thorns

In addition to the standard sympathy sprays, there were smaller vases, green plants, and even a couple of sculpture pieces. The bigger easel, casket sprays, and sculpture arrangements are expensive, and not everyone can afford it, but if you can pool funds and share costs with friends, the impact is huge and healing. Floral pillows and sculpture pieces are kind of old school, but they never disappoint and will even bring a smile at a funeral.

heart shape flower pillow funeral — Credit: Jennifleurs Florist Colchester

Florists can really showcase their talents here and a couple of creative and meaningful examples are the guitars and mushrooms that were created for Gregg Allman’s funeral. Traditional heart shapes, horseshoes, and ribbons are statement pieces that never go out of style.

creative funeral flowers Gregg Allman guitars — Credit: Donna Childs

Mushroom Floral Arrangement Gregg Allman Funeral — Credit: Donna Childs

So when you have several gifts of flowers at the funeral, there’s always the question of what to do with them after it’s all over. If it’s an earth burial, naturally, you can place them on the grave. But, with so many families opting for cremation and either keeping the urn in the home for awhile, or storing in a niche, a decision has to be made. In the earlier examples, the families picked a few favorites and took them home, and then contracted with the funeral home to deliver to nursing homes, hospice care, and churches. This would be a good time to add that if you are plan to send an arrangement, use your local florist! Sympathy arrangements can be costly and internet florists and wire services can result in wilted or crushed results. Out of town? Call the funeral home and get a lead on one of the florists that they are familiar with, some of the funeral homes even have in house floral departments.

Patriotic Cremation Urns: Beauty from the Ashes

July 12, 2018 Kim Stacey

It’s no secret: more and more Americans are choosing cremation. In fact, cremation has been called the ‘new American way of death” – which has prompted greater interest in (and greater need for) urns for cremated remains. Most recently our Beauty from the Ashes series on cremation urns has looked at beautiful floral urns, in celebration of summer flowers and blooms. Previous series’ installments looked at urns for mothers (in acknowledgement of Mother’s Day) and urns with birds. If cremation is becoming ‘as American as apple pie’, I’m going to look at patriotic urns for ashes.

Whether it’s on behalf of a deceased family member or for themselves as part of an advance funeral plan, cremation is preferred over burial by over 50% of people living in this country. Naturally, the rise in cremation has produced an interest in cremation urns.

Cremation is the Future of Dying in America

Just over five years ago, Josh Sanburn, author of Time’s “Cremation: The New American Way of Death”, noted that while burial had been the tradition for generations of Americans; in 2015, “for the first time, more Americans will get cremated than buried.” Today, the number of Americans choosing cremation continues to grow; the Cremation Association of North America (CANA) projects by 2022, the national cremation rate will be closer to 60%.

While I don’t think we can say cremation is a patriotic way to deal with the physical remains of a family member, its rising popularity in this country does lend itself to the tongue-in-cheek analogy.

A Gallery of Patriotic Urns

The three patriotic cremation urns featured here are all bronze cremation urns that honor military service, which means they are really something special. Back in 2012, Lenette published “Bronze Cremation Urns are Simply the Best”, which she updated some five years later. Just last year, I wrote, “Why I Love Bronze Urns”; and if our clients are any indicator, they too love the beauty of bronze urns.

The first is the Spirit of America. Beautiful bronze art, made in the USA by talented and skilled artisans. The bronze urns are often made to order, so there may be a lead time. If schedule permits, we sometimes have the bronze in stock and ready to ship, so if you are in a hurry, you should call and check availability. These premium urns are definitely worth the wait.

The bald eagle has been a part of our nation’s cultural history since 1982, when its image was incorporated into the Great Seal of the United States.

Semper Fi is the second of the three, and Helmet and Boots is the third urn in our commemorative look at patriotic cremation urns. The bronze line is not cheap, it’s for a discriminating customer who wants the best and values American craftsmanship and is willing to wait for a one of kind work of art. Each is exquisite in detail and would become a treasured heirloom memorial.

How to Choose Pallbearers for the Funeral & What They Do

July 9, 2018 Kim Stacey

How to choose pallbearers for the funeral

Earlier in the year, it was suggested that I write a post about pallbearers – how to choose suitable candidates, what are their duties and what’s required of them; that sort of thing. I added it to my list of potential topics and, driven by curiosity, I busied myself writing about other topics. Today’s the day; I’m ready to write about what’s involved in selecting and being a pallbearer. If you’re interested in the history of pallbearing, check out the Origin of Pallbearers. “Casket bearer” is another accepted term describing this important role.

What does a Pallbearer Do?

The Duties of a Pallbearer

An active pallbearer is a person whose primary task is to help carry the casket from the place of funeral or memorial service to the hearse, for transportation to the crematory (if cremation is planned after the funeral) or to the cemetery for burial. Pallbearer duties may also include participating in the graveside events – and would be responsible for carrying the casket to the gravesite. Because of the ‘heavy lifting’ built into the position of pallbearer, you’ll commonly see men in the role – but women pallbearers aren’t uncommon.

Active vs. Honorary Pallbearers

There are two main kinds of pallbearers, active and honorary. Active pallbearers are the ones who actually perform the required tasks. Honorary ones are individuals worthy of recognition, but who have no specific duties are asked of them. For example, my son who was quite young at the time, was listed as an honorary pallbearer for his grandfather on the funeral program.

Proper Pallbearer Etiquette & Attire

When it comes to pallbearer etiquette, it’s not difficult to understand the need for pallbearers to be ‘on their best behavior’ as our mothers would say. They need to dress appropriately for the occasion, which could include a suit, tie, dress slacks and comfortable shoes. These are both rather obvious. The funeral director in charge of the service can further advise selectees on what they should wear.

Regarding comfortable shoes: weather might matter on your choice of footwear. We’ve been to rainy graveside ceremonies and the trek through the cemetery was soggy. At an uncle’s burial, the cemetery caretaker put boards down on the ground to keep the family out of the mud on our way to the tent.

How Many Pallbearers Do You Need?

How many casket bearers you’ll need is dependent on the casket itself. Standard caskets usually have six handles; larger ones have eight handles – and the number of handles equals the number of pallbearers you’ll need to select.

Who Should Be Pallbearers in Your Loved One’s Funeral

Choose Someone of Consequence in the Life of the Deceased

When thinking about how to choose a pallbearer, I’ve used just one criterion: a pallbearer should be someone of consequence in the life of the deceased. But that’s not a hard and fast rule. Take, for example, the 1961 funeral of Ernest Hemingway. It’s an accident that I even bring it up. When preparing to write an upcoming post, I found myself reading about Ernest Hemingway’s death –thinking he could be a feature in a celebrity cremation post (similar to Celebrity Cremations: Isadora Duncan). There wasn’t a story there for that post (simply because he wasn’t cremated). But I discovered a list of the pallbearers who served at his funeral and thought it a point of conversation for this post. Sweet!

Here’s why: the list appeared to be made up of ‘ordinary folks’; some from the town of Ketchum, Idaho, where he had been living prior to his death. There was a doctor, a local rancher and business owner, a photographer from the railroad; just everyday people who came in contact with Mr. Hemingway in the short time he lived there.

As in many larger funeral services, there were both active and honorary pallbearers.

The list of honorary pallbearers was far longer, and included notables from around the world, including a bullfighter from Madrid.

More commonly, the casket bearers are individuals who, as I said earlier, were important in the life of the deceased. For example, at Muhammed Ali’s service, in June, 2016, again there were both active and honorary pallbearers. The men elected to carry the casket included Will Smith, and Lennox Lewis, former Heavyweight Champion of the World, along with select Ali family members. Other boxing greats, such as George Foreman, Larry Holmes and Mike Tyson, will be honorary pallbearers.

More illustrative of the idea pallbearers should be people central in the life of the deceased, the pallbearers at the funeral of former First Lady Barbara Bush were all her grandsons.

2. Choose Someone Who is Physically and Emotionally Strong

Make sure those individuals you choose are physically and emotionally strong enough to participate. Emotional outbursts from the pallbearers can be very disturbing for those in attendance. And as far as physical strength, I’ve seen some pallbearers that were clearly struggling under the weight of the casket.

With that said, I’d like to end on a lighter note – and maybe plant a seed in your mind about who should be selected as a pallbearer for your loved ones funeral.

3. Hire a Professional Pallbearer

Dancing Pallbearers? Really?!

You may not realize there are professional pallbearers available for hire, your funeral director can help you. Some put a unique spin on the more common pallbearer duties – they’ll dance. (It’s a tradition in Ghana.) If you have a moment, watch this YouTube video, Professional Pallbearers. In America we traditionally carry the casket lower, but in the UK and other countries, the casket rests on the shoulders of the pallbearers.

While it’s fascinating, it teaches us that how we honor those we’ve loved is up to us. The responsibility of choosing pallbearers is also an opportunity – to deepen the significance of the funeral service and enrich the experience of those in attendance.

Sources:

Hemingway’s Funeral

Muhammed Ali’s Funeral Service

Barbara Bush Pallbearers