Life in the Garden

This post could be called “Define a Bad Day”. The last few months have been a test not just for us personally and professionally, but also for our customers who are dealing with the grave task of preparing for the end of life of a loved one, or in the aftermath of picking up the pieces. Usually after one of these conversations, it puts everything in perspective.

The Nurse in Massachusetts

We heard from a nurse in Massachusetts who had outlived all four of her children and was buying an urn for the last surviving son. Although he was an adult, he was her youngest and was on Hospice and expected to die soon. This mother had endured another son who had drowned, a daughter dying unexpectedly in her sleep, and another died of cancer. Now she was faced with losing her last child after a sudden illness.

How does a parent survive this trauma? She told me that she has managed these devastating hits by doing outreach and counseling with other grieving parents. It brought her peace in knowing that she was comforting others. Conversations like this put my imaginary “bad day” in perspective.

Another customer in Massachusetts called to replace an urn that they had bought from Urn Garden several years ago for their dad. A house fire recently destroyed the property, but firefighters were able to retrieve the charred metal urn and deliver to the family. They planned to transfer the ashes into the new replacement urn.

It’s actually a good lesson on maybe why it’s not a good choice to store the urn in the home indefinitely. Whether it’s a catastrophic event, or the death of the caretaker, it might be worth exploring alternative and safer storage options.

Losing a Furry Friend

Another customer called on the way to the vet to put his dog down. He had a large breed in the backseat and urns for bigger dogs can be hard to find, unless you step up to a human adult size. He knew what he wanted and ordered it enroute to the vet’s office.

His dog had been suffering for a while and this event was scheduled, so the man knew it was coming and had time to prepare. He and his best friend had a special yet sad week, with his pet’s favorite treats and extra love and attention.

Teenage Suicide

Another mom called with an urgent need. She had lost her adult son to suicide a week ago. They ordered an urn on Amazon and it turned out to be a disaster. The memorial service was on Monday and she wanted the urn present at the funeral. He loved the lake and in addition to the gorgeous sunset, the urn had his favorite shades of blue and black.

The family chose this color palette for the celebration of life service. Mother and friends created a beautiful floral wreath using blue and black flowers to frame the urn. It turned out nice and saved money.

The title of this post was inspired by a customer who requested the verse be inscribed on an adult urn. I was intrigued and discovered that it was biblical and can be found in 1 Corinthians 15:55. “O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?”

In 1963 the Vatican allowed cremation and this practice has been part of Church law since 1983.

Catholics believe that when death occurs, the soul meets God, and God gives perfect life to bodies by reuniting them with their souls. The body must be present at the funeral, and there’s more:

Cremains Must Remain Intact (the whole body)

The ashes may not be scattered over land water, or divided among family members and friends. That means cremation jewelry or keepsakes for families that want to retain a portion of the cremated remains are forbidden.

When people put ashes in a necklace, “You’re treating the deceased as if it is a possession of yours. You don’t possess people.” says Father Patrick Carrion, a priest for more than 40 years.

In December 2023, the Vatican published a note signed by Cardinal Víctor Fernández and approved by the Pope, stating that family members could place “a minimal part of the ashes” to kept in a sacred place. This was in an effort to clear up confusion regarding cremation and the handling and storage of ashes.

Couples that want their ashes co-mingled should speak to their priests for clarification. Some Catholic cemeteries provide a “sacred” space designated for preservation of the ashes of those that want to be together for eternity.

Urns Don’t Belong in the Home

This question comes up often, but the Church believes that Cremation urns must be buried or interred in a mausoleum or columbarium and NOT kept in the home.

Eulogies at the Funeral

Eulogies are not part of the funeral Mass and should occur at the wake. “That’s not what our ritual is meant to be” says Fr. Carrion. If the family insists on eulogies at the Mass, Fr. Carrion sets a limit of two eulogies that are each five minutes in length and will be delivered before the body enters the church.

Regarding burials, embalming the body, and using sealed caskets and concrete vaults are fine. Natural green burials that are environmentally friendly are also Church approved.

Other methods that involve treating and dissolving the body with chemicals, called “composting” are unacceptable and legal in only seven states.

Read the complete article here:

Here’s another article for more information on other religious views on cremation.

When there are so many types of cremation urn to buy, families tell us all the time that it’s overwhelming when they have to shop for a cremation urn. Nerves are shattered, they are emotional, and let’s get real….no one wants to shop for an urn. After shopping around and seeing all the styles that are available to buy, they know it when they see it. Added complications are when you are dealing with a committee and you have to run the choice by other family members and get everyone to agree.

Sometimes though, the family has a vision, and that makes it easier. Here’s a few examples of recent interactions and the type of urns that they bought.

Santa Rosa Beach Urn

Mom and Dad were living my dream of being a snow bird. For 20 years they spent winters from November to April at the same resort in Santa Rosa Beach, Florida. Mom’s health was poor and they were not able to go this year. Instead, they planned for an Easter brunch with family.

Mother fixed lunch and then completed addressing 20 Easter cards with a personal message for friends and family, And then? She died. Everyone knew she was ill, but it was so sudden, her husband and children were shocked.

Her son called after searching for “cremation vase beach”, he found the Santa Rosa Beach urn that was perfect for his mother. The problem was, he had a tight spot in a niche at the columbarium that he thought this urn might be too tall for. It was.

The good news is that we had the same style in a box (Salt Life) that he could order, get it personalized and delivered in time for his mother’s memorial service.

Raku Dragonfly Ceramic Urn

A client in California called after her mom passed away looking for a funeral urn that would be creative and unique, like her artist mother. Another requirement was that the urn had to be American made.

She chose the Raku Dragonfly Urn, made in the USA and signed by the artist. She was willing to wait a few weeks to get the urn produced. The husband and wife team that make the urns have a busy small business creating handmade memorials that are worth waiting for.

Madonna and Child Urn for Ashes

An Arizona customer is off to a bad start in 2023 after losing his mom after caring for her for the last several years in his home. He described his mom as a loving, church going lady.

His father has been diagnosed with dementia and had to be placed in memory care and that was not going well. Prior to being placed in a facility, his dad was hard to handle and even though being told by his doctor and family that he could no longer drive, he continued, causing a lot of stress and anxiety for his grown children. I could hear the fatigue in his voice.

Sky Blue Cultured Marble and Walnut Celtic Cross Box for Ashes

Two pilots that recently died, one on the job and the other was retired.

The widow picked the Sky Blue Cultured Marble urn because it reminded her of clouds, engraved with her husbands name in silver.

The son of the retired pilot chose a hand rubbed walnut box for ashes with the Celtic Cross on top, he also had it personalized. We rushed production on this one, but once we got it on the truck for transit, things went sideways with UPS and that is another story for another day.

Both of these urns were created by American artists.

Biodegradable Memento Urn for Water

Miami Beach customer bought the Memento Urn a year ago. The biodegradables have a stable shelf life if stored properly. He is just now getting around to having the memorial service, but discovered he could not find the box that the urn came in that had the instructions for filling or the water soluble bag and glue.

After his call for help, we were able to email instructions and help him source the other items needed to complete the process and get him ready to disperse the ashes.

The Memento is good for families that want a clean green funeral service and despite it’s unusual football shape, it comes in several colors and is ideal for a water or earth burial.

Depending on your needs, your vision, your loved one’s personality, there are many color, shapes and sizes of cremation urns. We can help you through it.