Life in the Garden

Matters of Life and Death

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Kiss My Ash Cremation Urn Collection-Some of Our Craziest Personalized Urns for Adults

When a family buys an urn online, they often want the cremation urn personalized with names and dates. We can usually accommodate the request with laser engraving.

Sometimes we get some crazy requests though. If you request it, we’ll do it, even if we think it’s a bad idea. But, if we are being honest, sometimes these customers get the urn with the disrespectful inscription THAT THEY REQUESTED, and they get upset and probably have regrets. Laser engraving is permanent, so no take backs and we can’t edit or fix it. Choose your words wisely.

Years ago, we got a call from someone who was asking about engraving on an urn for his dad. When I asked him what he wanted to inscribe on the urn, he asked, “Can you engrave cuss words all over it?” We could, and after discussing what the final resting place would be (he was keeping it on display in the home) he backed away from his original vision and went with a more traditional format.

It gave us the idea to launch a “Kiss My Ash Collection” of cremation urns, and over the years we’ve saved a few of the creations that our customers have come up with.

Are these cremation urns dignified? Probably not. But we have to consider that these are grown adults that we are dealing with and maybe the messaging fits the personality of the deceased, or perhaps it was their final wish?

Lucky Shamrock Cremation Urn

Lucky Shamrock Cremation Urn is a popular style, it looks blue in this photo, but is actually green, but there is no mistake about the color of the deceased’s backside.

Route 66 Motorcycle Urn for Ashes

Route 66 Urn for Ashes, and this biker chic had an attitude that I can appreciate.

Another “urn with attitude” was this hot red memorial that probably spoke volumes about the deceased.

Celtic Cross Cremation Urn

The owner of the Celtic Cross Cremation Urn was a little more subtle in the messaging and actually inspired this collection.

“Always fun till we lost a wiener” not sure what the meaning is, but maybe it’s an inside joke. We giggled a little when we were setting the Celtic Cross urn up for engraving.

Deer in the Woods Cremation Box for Ashes

This cremation box puzzled us, but we just assumed maybe this was a phrase that the departed used often?

Cardinal Cremation Urn

The person that ordered the Cardinal Urn was a little milder and kind of cute. No names, no dates of the deceased, just “Fiddlesticks! “

Carol, on the other hand…maybe she often told her loved ones, “Someday you’ll miss my bitching!” Well, that day is here.

Journey Biodegradable Urn for Scattering Ashes on Water

We’ve all seen the meme on social media, the Journey Biodegradable urn takes it to a new level.

Celtic Cross Wood Box for Ashes

Recently we had a client who wanted an American made urn for his father, who had a distinguished military career and retired as a commercial pilot.

Our customer picked the Celtic Cross Wood Box, a work of art in hand rubbed dark walnut.

When he submitted the inscription, I had to ask…..

It turns out that his dad was an avid outdoorsman who loved to hunt and fish. Dad lived in a rural area and there was a couple of places nearby that he liked to fish. He referred to one of them as his “bass-hole”.

Maybe this was a situation where the deceased would tell the family “Someday, you’ll miss my bitching!” Whatever the scenario was, the family decided to inscribe their sentiments on an urn for eternity. They ordered and we delivered, we’ll never know the back story.

Siesta Key Beach Urn for Adult

A couple of examples of personalization on the Siesta Key Beach Urn. It comes on several different sizes, and these examples are done on the full-size adult.

The first one must have derived from the old story about the minister who was presiding over a funeral service and while trying to make a deep thoughtful statement, he instead made a memorable gaff that the mourners still laugh about today. “Here we have the shell” he said while gesturing to the casket, “but the nut is gone”.

One of our customers took that statement to the grave. Literally.

This next one was lifted from some song lyrics that were special to our clients’ adult daughter.

She called to ask about personalizing an urn and wanted to know if we had any objections to profanity. I told her that we would add whatever she wanted with the understanding that there are no returns or regrets.

I explained to her that we had experience with customers who were upset with their choice of words during a highly emotional time, and encouraged here to think it about it and if she still wanted the verse, we would do it.

Monday morning the order was placed and I was a little shocked, but she had explained that her daughter was an addict who had struggled with addiction for years and these words were spoken to her mother on more than one occasion.

In Mother’s defense, she did have a more loving message on the back side of the urn. She and I joked that it was a sweet and salty mix of sentiments.

We don’t pretend to try to understand why people choose the messaging they choose for the urns. One of our collogues sent this example that they had recently done for a client.

There are more, but we didn’t always get the pictures to prove it. All in all, my top choice for the Kiss My Ash urn collection is one that we do not have an image for, but was very simple and direct. Again, no name, no dates. Just the simple message: “SHE TRIED“.

Urn Garden Cremation Urns

Planning a Funeral for a Suicide

Recently, a friend of the family died suddenly, and his death shook us all to the core. It was confusing really, because he had unsuccessfully attempted suicide before. This time though, he accomplished the mission. He was only 27 and left behind a young son who adored his daddy. We weren’t shocked, yet we were. How do you explain this event to a child?

The life of our friend was difficult. In and out of foster care while growing up, criminal activity, drug and alcohol addictions, mental illness. All took its toll on him and on his family. But it wasn’t all dark. He was a big man with a big heart. He was a talented mechanic and a loving father and brother.

He had periods of clarity when he was clean and sober. This usually seemed to occur when he was in the care of one of his sisters. Once he would leave the saftey of their sanctuary, and go out on his own, it seems he wasn’t able to acclimate into the world, and the demons would return with a vengence. Now we realize that he needed a handler, he needed a director. Someone to guide and help him navigate. Hindsight is 20-20.

All of this to say, that planning a funeral was challenging. The family was open and honest about his struggles and used his obituary to raise awareness about mental health and substance abuse. Our friend was a car nut and one of his buddies organized a car show and burn out competition in his memory to raise funds for a children’s charity.

The family chose cremation and picked a beautiful metallic blue urn that was his favorite color. Some of the siblings wanted cremation jewelry and selected wrenches to honor his trade in auto mechanics.

He wasn’t a religious man, did not belong to a church, and with his difficult past, the family was torn about what to do regarding securing someone to preside over the memorial service. They didn’t want a stranger to get up and just read the obituary. The siblings didn’t feel strong enough to do eulogies themselves. The funeral home suggested a Funeral Celebrant that was able to connect us with someone who we were able to meet with and discuss our loved one’s life history and then the Celebrant was able to craft a nice eulogy that just fit.

Celebrants are trained to meet with a family, to hear their stories and to design a meaningful and unique service that honors the life and memories of the loved one. They are the voice of the family, putting all the elements that the family wishes to incorporate into a tribute that touches hearts and gives each person that attends the funeral something special to remember.

While getting to know the Celebrant that we worked with, I asked her, “What was the most challenging service you ever did”? She said the most memorable memorial service involved a young man of 35 who was killed in a police shootout. His early life was lived in a hollowed-out tree in a park with a drug-addicted mother and, not surprisingly, he was an addict by the age of 14. In an attempt to find sobriety, he went to AA at the age of 20 and met a young woman who was also trying to get clean. They married and had two beautiful little girls.

Her story:

He just had too many strikes against him with mental illness and addiction and ended up spending eight years in prison. His wife divorced him and made a new life for her girls, but the daughters stayed in touch through letters while he was serving his sentences.

He was released from prison in November of 2011 and was staying in a halfway house. One night he went on a binge and broke into a small suburban police station/city hall. He wrote strange words in his own blood on the walls and grabbed the lone policeman’s gun and shot him in the floor. A whole contingent of Oklahoma City police responded to the call, and he was shot 22 times.

His daughters, now 12 and 11, told their mother that they wanted to have a funeral for their dad. So, the mother called, and we met, along with one of his drug buddies, at a Barnes & Noble in the middle of Christmas shoppers for a family meeting. They gave me the few stories that they knew, and asked that I honor the fact that he tried his very best, no matter how broken he was, and that he always loved his girls.

The service was held at night with no announcement in the media because the family did not any attention. There were about 25 people who had been important in this young man’s life who came to the funeral home with fear and dread, not knowing what kind of service this could possibly be.

I tried to give voice to his hopes, his dreams, his struggles and his ongoing efforts to find the right path. The daughters and I lit candles in his honor, and I reminded the girls that he could now be in the stars watching over them and loving them. We played the songs -Hallelujah-by Rufus Wainwright and -Amazing Grace- by Judy Collins, and together everyone recited the Serenity Prayer. Keepsakes for friends and family were beautiful, brightly colored stars. Each person left feeling relieved that the service had been so honest and yet so positive, and glad that they had an opportunity to gather to share memories and support each other.

Without a celebrant willing to take on such a difficult service, that little family’s last memory of their loved one would have been his picture splattered all over the news and video of the bloody walls and shattered windows where he had been shot.

That was certainly one of those moments when I was so grateful to be able and available to offer a few moments of healing for a hurting family.

So many times, when there is a sudden tragic death, especially with a younger person, whether it be drug overdose, suicide, or senseless violence, the families are so grief stricken and sometimes deep in pain or shame that the there is no further mention of the deceased. That person dies and just disappears. It’s been said that funerals are for the living. You have options to help with the healing and closure that a funeral or memorial service can provide no matter how tragic the circumstances.

What you need to know about buying an urn online

With the rise in cremation and more families exposed to shopping on the internet, buyers are getting more savvy and educated about their choices. We’ve been in business long enough now that for some of our customers, this isn’t their first time to buy an urn.

What Size Urn Do I Need?

One of the first steps in buying an urn is determining size. Whether you need full size adult urn, an urn for two, or smaller size for sharing or pets, keepsakes (mini size for storing just a little bit of ashes) There are so many choices available.

Who Are You Doing Business With? 

Before you buy, check to see who you are doing business with. Is there a phone number, or live chat that you can contact and speak to a real human? Do they have a good rating with the Better Business Bureau?

We recommend that if you have questions, no matter how insignificant you may think they are, you should call or email and get the answers you need. If it happens to be a weekend, we may not return the call until Monday, but we will answer your questions as soon as possible. If you leave a message, be sure and provide good contact information so that we can reach you if needed.

When Will the Urn Be Delivered?

Most of our inventory is shipped from our warehouse in the Midwest. Many of the sites on the internet are drop shipping from another location, and we do as well on some styles. If you have a definite delivery date that you need to receive the urn by, by all means, reach out and confirm that your needs will be met.

Most carriers will drop off the package without a signature if you are not home. It’s important that you provide a secure location for delivery. If you are not shipping to the funeral home and you won’t be home to receive the package, please consider an alternate secure location.

What is the Urn Made Out Of? 

Next in the selection process would be to determine what is the plan for where the cremation urn will be stored. Will it be buried, stored in the home, will the ashes be scattered at a later date? These are important decisions that may impact the style you select.

Whether a customer is shopping an urn for the ashes of a person or a pet, some people seem to care about where the memorial is made. These buyers tend to prefer an American made product, are open to products made in India, and they definitely don’t want Chinese. We’ve mentioned before that often the customer wants an American made memorial, but when making the final decision, they chose the import, usually due to cost. There seems to be a shift now and the trend is that they’ll pay more for an urn that is manufactured in the USA.

Here’s a brief rundown on the common materials used in the urn world and where the country of origin is:

METAL URNS: More families buy metal urns. Premium cast bronze is our specialty, is the top of the line, and proudly made in America.

The most popular styles of metal urns are brass, aluminum, some steel and copper that comes from India, Vietnam, and a couple of styles from USA.

By far, the metal vase shape is preferred by families that need an adult human size, but box type containers are good for burial and niche spaces.

Most of the metal urns come in smaller mini sizes, called Keepsake Urns. Popular nature themes are cardinals and hummingbirds and are usually imported and of excellent quality.

WOODEN CREMATION URNS: Mix of USA, India, and China. Walnut tends to be the most expensive wood and is usually sourced in the US. The imports are usually Birch wood or an MDF.

CERAMIC AND POTTERY Urns for Ashes: Many styles are made by American artists, some are imported from Asia.

MARBLE AND STONE Containers for Ashes: Mined from all over the world.

CREMATION JEWELRY: Again, a mix on the jeweler locations. We have an extensive line of sterling and gold finishes that are created by American jewelers. Most of the jewelry on any site will be shipped from the jewelers location. In the last few years, the Chinese have entered this market and are making stainless steel pendants and chains.

Biodegradable: Some of the bio urns are made domestically and some are imported. This style is ideal for earth and water friendly burials.

Personalization

If you want your memorial inscribed with names and dates, we may be able to help. Most of our urns can be personalized directly on the surface, with a name plate, or medallion that hangs from the top of the vase shape containers. Personalization may add a little extra processing time.

We are always honored to assist families in making beautiful memorials. We understand that no one wants to shop for an urn and our goal is to make the process a little easier and secure.

Urn Garden Cremation Urns

Death with Dignity

In the 17 years that we’ve operated Urn Garden, we’ve heard lots of stories about pet parents making the difficult decision to put a beloved animal to sleep. Today, was a turning point in our history, as we had the human version to that story.

This particular customer had ordered a custom bronze shell urn, and since these beautiful vessels are poured to order, they can take several weeks to produce.

shell cremation urn for ashes

While following up with this client regarding the status of her order, she mentioned that she needed it by a certain date, as she was being “put to sleep”. “Oh, you’re having surgery?” I asked. “No” she said. “I’m going to sleep forever. I’m terminal”

This took me a little aback, as I’ve never had a conversation like this. I mean, what do you say to that? “Are you serious?” I asked. Maybe not the most appropriate response, but she was so calm and cheerful that I really wasn’t sure if she was being real.

Turns out, she was a former teacher and she was willing to educate me. My first thought was that she was in Oregon, but after a quick glance at her order, I said “Oh, you are in Colorado! I didn’t know that they had assisted suicide.”

“Well, we don’t call it that”, she said. “Colorado just passed Death with Dignity about three years ago.” She went on to say that she’d had a full life as a math and science teacher, had touched many lives, but in recent years, her quality of life had radically changed. Prior to her illness, she and her husband were active hikers and outdoorsy people. Now? She can’t move, hasn’t driven in years, can’t wear clothes, and is completely dependent on others for every need. “My quality of life, sucks,” she said.

She’d seen over 70 specialists at 13 different hospital clinics and she was done with all that.

Of course, I had some questions.

Do you have to go the hospital or can you die at home?

No, she said, she chose to die at home. The doctor will write her a prescription that she can get at the pharmacy and mix with 6 oz. of liquid that she’ll drink and then go to sleep. Forever.

How did she pick that date?

It just happened to be the date that the physician was available.

In her state, to participate in this program, you have to have two physicians agree on a terminal prognosis, two physicians that can determine that you are of sound mind, and a mountain of paperwork.

That pile of paperwork was also a deciding factor in the cause of death on the death certificate. The coroner wanted to list her passing as suicide, but the physician advocated for her and was able to persuade the corner to list the official diagnosis.

As we were talking, I looked at the calendar and that date loomed about four weeks out. “I’m not scared.” she said. And it sounded like she meant it.

Since then, we’ve had another conversation and she sounded bright. She mentioned that she’d been in a lot of pain the night before and was looking forward to THE DATE. She plans to look out her office windows at the mountains and watch the hummingbirds who are super active right now, have a little nibble of her favorite chocolate with Mozart playing in the background.

I can’t imagine what it must be like for her family, her husband, who is at home by her side. Maybe it’s like any other family situation when you are caring for a loved one, only instead of day to day, which she is, you can see the end.

Her friends and family all know she’s ill, but she’s decided not to share the fact that she has a scheduled appointment with death.

“Everybody is busy, and the kids couldn’t handle it, it’s too heavy.”

When the day comes, her husband will call and let everyone know that she died in her sleep.

Frequently Asked Questions about Death with Dignity

What is Death with Dignity?

Death with dignity usually refers to an end-of-life option where individuals legally obtain medications from their physician to end their life on their own terms in a dignified and humane manner. Also known as “physician-assisted death” or “physician-assisted dying”, the term death with dignity can also refer to specific state legislation that allows this end-of-life option, or to the group of organizations promoting the movement in the U.S.

How many states currently have death with dignity statutes?

As of August 2019 the following states have physician-assisted dying statutes:

  • California
  • Colorado
  • District of Columbia
  • Hawaii
  • New Jersey
  • Oregon
  • Vermont
  • Washington

Physician-assisted dying is also legal in Montana by way of a 2009 State Supreme Court Ruling

How can I find a physician to prescribe death with dignity medications?

You will need to ask a doctor in California, Colorado, District Of Columbia, Hawaii, Montana, Maine, New Jersey, Oregon, Vermont, Or Washington if they are willing to prescribe your life-ending medications. Doctor participation in death with dignity is strictly voluntary.

Who is eligible to participate in death with dignity?

In order to qualify for a prescription of life-ending medication under a physician-assisted dying statute, you must be:

  • an adult resident of  California, Colorado, District Of Columbia, Hawaii, Montana, Maine, New Jersey, Oregon, Vermont, or Washington – there is no length-of-residency requirement but you must be able to establish that you are a legal resident of that particular state
  • capable of communicating your healthcare decisions in a mentally competent manner
  • diagnosed with a terminal condition that will lead to death within six months
  • able to administer and ingest the prescribed medication on your own without assistance

Should I tell my family?

While everyone’s family situation is unique, talking to your family members about your intention to participate in death with dignity can help them come to terms with your decision. An open dialogue about the process can provide an understanding of your end-of-life options and why you are choosing physician-assisted death.

Find out more about death with dignity from the Death with Dignity National Center website.

The website Compassion and Choices recently published a story written by our client’s husband with details her health struggles and difficult choices.

Cremation & Religion: What Religions Believe in Cremation?

celtic cross cremation urn
Celtic Cross Cremation Urn

Cremation has replaced traditional burial as the number one choice for families in the US over the past few years. This has made cremation the “new normal” across the nation, and many funeral homes and cemeteries now offer a wide variety of services catering to cremation families.

The main drivers behind the growth of cremation include its lower price point, changing personal preferences, environmental considerations, and the increase in transient populations. Religious beliefs are also associated with the rise in cremation rates – some of the thinking behind this is that American’s are becoming less religious in general, but it also stands to reason that the increase is due to the fact that certain religions have become more accepting of cremation.

It is estimated that there are over 4,000 religions in the world, although Christianity has been (and still is) the most dominant faith. According to the Pew Research Center, approximately 65% of the US population describe themselves as Christians, while the percentage of people who are atheist, agnostic, or “nothing in particular” stands at 26%. As the number of religious vs. non-religious individuals continues to evolve, it’s likely that we’ll see a similar trend in cremation rates.

If you are in the process of making funeral plans in advance or considering cremation for a loved one, religious beliefs or affiliations may have an impact on your final decision. It helps to have a basic understanding of the different religious views on cremation. Here is a guide to some of these views:

The Catholic Church

Due to its size and scope, it’s important to ask, “what does the Catholic Church believe about cremation?” The Catholic Church did not allow cremation until 1963, when the Pope finally lifted the ban. Even though the Catholic Church still prefers traditional burial, they have slowly made subtle changes to the rules to allow for cremation. In 2016, the Vatican announced that cremated ashes should not be scattered or kept in cremation urns at home – the guidelines state that cremated remains should be kept in a “sacred place” (like a cemetery) as this is more in line with burial of Christ and belief in the resurrection of the body.

Protestant Christians

The majority of Protestant churches (Baptists, Methodists, Lutherans, etc.) accept cremation, even though they prefer traditional burial. Protestant churches do not have strict rules regarding cremation like Catholics do, and Protestants are free to choose to be cremated as they wish.

The Eastern Orthodox Church does not allow cremation as it is considered disrespectful to the human body. Cremation also conflicts with the Orthodox Church’s belief in the resurrection of the body so it can reunite with the soul at the Last Judgement.

Judaism

Judaism does not generally encourage cremation and Orthodox Jews in particular strictly forbid it. Jewish law states that deceased loved ones should be buried in the ground, although Reform Jews are more accepting of the practice and allow individuals to choose cremation if they wish. Most rabbis will allow Jews who have been cremated to receive a proper burial in a Jewish cemetery.

Islam

Cremation is strictly forbidden in Islam. Muslims make a point of burying their loved ones as soon as possible after death, and follow specific funeral rituals such as bathing the body and offering collective prayers. Islamic law considers burning of a body in cremation as an act of disrespect

Buddhism

Buddhism, along with its set of funeral traditions and death rituals, allows its followers to choose cremation if they wish. Siddhartha Gautama (the Buddha), the religious leader whose teachings became the foundation of Buddhism, was cremated and his cremated remains were stored as relics and placed in sacred monuments. In today’s society, it is still customary for many Buddhists to follow the Buddha’s example and cremate their loved ones accordingly.

Hinduism

Hindus almost always, as a part of their death rites and rituals, choose cremation over burial, with the exception of infants and small children. Hinduism does not ascribe to the belief in the resurrection of the body or preservation of the corpse through burial. Instead, Hindus encourage cremation so that the soul can be quickly released from the body to start on a new spiritual journey (reincarnation).

If you have questions or concerns regarding cremation and your religion, talk to a religious leader or a local cremation provider to get more information.