Urngarden.com | Cremation Urn Discussion

DIY Memorials: More about Planning a Memorial Garden

April 22, 2018 Kim Stacey

forget me not Today I’d like to do two things: provide you with new resources to help in selecting the plants for your loved one’s memorial garden. You may remember, in ‘part two’ of this series, “DIY Memorials: Planning a Loved One’s Memorial Garden”, I closed with links to a few cool garden planning resources. The second thing I want to do is to look at how to select the “right” plants for the garden. “Rightness” is determined by a number of factors: its suitability for your geographic area and season climate being foremost among them. Other factors: the amount of maintenance required, motivation and intention, as well as the symbolic meaning of the chosen flowers. Before we get started, you might want to read –or revisit– the introductory post in in the series, “DIY Memorials: Let’s Talk about Memorial Gardens”.

memorial garden stone

My Original Idea for this Post…

When I wrote the post mentioned earlier; I’d planned to share how I used one of these tools, Gardena’s Garden Planner, to create a more detailed vision of my plan for the memorial garden described in that same post. Unfortunately, a case of rapidly advancing macular degeneration makes using such an online interface difficult for me – so that’s not an option anymore.” And AMD forced the revision of my original memorial garden idea too. It’s amazing how quickly life can change; when I started this series, I could see well enough to envision a garden full of small, sweet smelling flowers like Alyssum and Sweet William.
Sadly, the continued deterioration of my vision has caused a dramatic change to my memorial garden plan. I began considering larger, more colorful, flowering plants which take little or no care. Then, as often happens, another thought came to me: make the garden attractive to birds! That way, there’s lots of activity to focus my attention. It was serendipity, really; the idea came to me after I had written “Beauty from the Ashes: Birds of a Feather Cremation Urns”.

memorial gifts offered at urn garden

Now, instead of working with plants I knew and was comfortable with, I needed to do some extra research on plants for my area; specifically those which will attract birds.

Selecting the Best Plants for Your Memorial Garden

The Audubon website allows visitors to search their extensive database to discover the most suitable native plants to attract birds in your area (determined by zip code). The search results were extensive, leading me to create a list of seven plants to investigate further:

• California Figwort (Scrophularia californica)–Hummingbirds
• California Rose (Rosa californica)–Chickadee, Titmouse, Crows and Jays
• California Sage (Salvia columbariae) Cardinals, Finches and Grosbeaks
• California-Christmas-Berry (Heteromeles arbutifolia) Orioles, Waxwings
• California-Laurel (Umbellularia californica) Chickadee, Titmouse
• Cobwebby Thistle (Cirsium occidentale) Crows and Jays, Wrens
• Christmashorns (Delphinium nudicaule – Hummingbirds

Dogwood Trees Hold Special Significance

Dogwood trees attract a number of different birds; butterflies too. I learned about them firsthand when I visited my dad in upstate Alabama in 1992 – he had acres of Dogwood trees, and all were in bloom that last week in April. Since I’d like to include a Dogwood tree in the memorial garden in honor of my dad, I did my research and learned I’m in luck. There are, according to a local garden maven, Jan Nelson, there ARE varieties which will do well in this area.

dogwood flowers

The symbolic meanings of Dogwood flowers make my decision to incorporate a Dogwood into my memorial garden extra special. According to online sources, they represent rebirth, pity and regret over a specific decision, durability, reliability, strength, resilience and are signals of “affection to someone who may not reciprocate it.” All of those things typify my estranged relationship with my father. If Dogwoods are especially meaningful; you may like to know about Urn Garden’s Dogwood Flower Urn Pendant. It’s a delicately beautiful keepsake urn.

Selecting Flowers for Your Memorial Garden

“In joy or sadness flowers are our constant friends.” ~Kakuz? Okakura, The Book of Tea

Bringing birds and bird song into the garden is all well and good; but I knew I also want to have brightly-colored flowering plants, like Zinnias, Snapdragons, California Poppies, Pansies, and Petunias. While I’m mainly choosing those because they’re so easy to see, I’m also curious about the symbolic meanings of these blooms.

If things like that matter to you too, check out The Old Farmer’s Almanac website includes “Flower Meanings: The Language of Flowers” the subtitle lets you know the collection is more inclusive (“learn the symbolism of flowers, herbs and other plants”).

Here’s what I discovered about three of my plant/flower selections:

• Pansy: thoughts
• Sage: wisdom, immortality
• Zinnia: thoughts of absent friends

Not all flowers, it seems, have a specific, accepted ‘meaning’. If you don’t find your flowers of choice listed; check out the Flower Expert’s webpage, “Flower Meanings” – or Good Housekeeping’s “41 Beautiful Flowers with Surprising Meanings”. If it’s not there, keep looking. As mentioned in the first post in the series, my dad loved snapdragons; but neither site offered any insight. However, another site declared snapdragons denote grace and, “due to its growth in rocky areas, strength. However, it can also symbolize deviousness.”

Those words aptly describe the man fairly well, really. But if they didn’t, I’d have thought about his personality and life-choices and come up with a very personal meaning for these flowers. The colors of flowers also impart meaning; but for me, being able to see the flower is most important; white and yellow is the most visible for me – so those are the colors I’ll focus on.

• White is associated with light, goodness…It is considered to be the color of perfection.
• Yellow is associated with joy, happiness, intellect, and energy.

Once you’ve decided upon the plants, shrubs, trees and flowers for your loved one’s memorial garden; you’ll need to get them in the ground and take proper care of them. There are great online resources for these aspects of the project, including Cornell University’s Flower Growing Guides, The National Garden Association’s Plant Care Guides and, of course, you can also trust The Old Farmer’s Almanac website, featuring a wealth of related resources, like their Flower Growing Guide. Don’t forget! You can always turn to the staff of your local nursery – no doubt a source of valuable locale-related information.

garden stone memorial

Add a Memorial Garden Stone

An You might remember from last month’s post, I chose two heart-shaped memorial garden stones: the “Angel Memorial Garden Stone Forever Missed” and the “Angel Memorial Garden Stone In My Heart To Stay .I’d thought about using a personalized memorial garden stone, such as the Celtic Tree of Life Personalized Stone – but since my memorial garden was intended to honor more than one individual, I decided against it.

Some Additional Memorial Garden Planning Tips

The act of combing the Internet can bring in new ideas, like these:

• Add a sense of calm with a water feature
• Include comfortable seating for quiet reflection
• Add a wind chime or chimes for auditory interest and to foster positive energy.

Another thing you can do is to incorporate one or more memorial stones. You might remember from last month’s post, I chose two heart-shaped memorial garden stones: the “Angel Memorial Garden Stone Forever Missed” and the “Angel Memorial Garden Stone In My Heart To Stay .(I’d thought about using a personalized memorial garden stone, such as the Celtic Tree of Life Personalized Stone – but since my memorial garden was intended to honor more than one individual, I decided against it.)
Okay, so now it’s up to you to get the work done: select flowers, plants, trees and shrubs for your memorial garden. To prepare the soil, do the planting, and follow-through with regular maintenance.

Next in the Series

If you’re one of the thousands of people who don’t have a backyard or other space for a loved one’s memorial garden; you’ll appreciate our next entry in the memorial garden series: dish and planter box gardens. But next week’s post will be just as interesting and useful. We’ll look at how you can make the most of grocery store flowers–a follow-up to last year’s DIY Memorials post, “How to Make a Memorial Shrine”. Such indoor shrines are popular with people who live in apartments, town houses or condominiums with little or no outdoor space or enough natural light to grow plants indoors. Until then, have a good week!

Four Tips for Writing an Obituary

April 11, 2018 urngarden.com

how to write an obituary Recently I was asked to write an obituary for a woman I’ve never met. Fortunately, it’s not the first obituary I’ve ever written, so I wasn’t terribly intimidated by the task. Yet I know–having been told as much time and again– writing an obituary isn’t something most folks are comfortable with. So, I thought I’d share a few important obituary writing tips with you, which I used in a webinar I conducted back in 2016 for the industry association, Order of the Golden Rule. The organization published an overview post just prior to the event, “How to Write Better Obituaries” which makes a nice supplement to this post.

Four Tips for Writing an Obituary:

1. Stay positive. My mother used to say “if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all”. That’s good advice in social situations, but not when writing an obituary. (Plug the search phrase “mean-spirited obituaries” to see how not to write an obituary.) Don’t use a loved one’s obituary to detail all the wrongs they’ve committed during their lifetime. Instead, find the good in them (you know there’s a lot, once you start looking for it).

2. Double-check the facts. Make sure names, dates, and place names are correct. And don’t leave any relative’s name out of the obituary, either out of spite or forgetfulness. It hurts people’s feelings.

3. Edit rigorously! Two words which mean: get rid of extra words, and check punctuation (one trick is to read the obituary aloud – you’ll quickly “hear” where the punctuation needs to change). When it comes to spelling – don’t rely on a spell-checker; again, double check you’re using the right word forms in the right place (“two”, “too”, or “to”, for example).

4. Tell a story about the deceased. Author Phillip Pullman summed it up nicely when he wrote “After nourishment, shelter and companionship, stories are the thing we need most in the world.” (Source) In short, I think such stories can teach us how to live better lives.

I realize writing (or storytelling) may not be your ‘cup of tea’. But there are a few questions you can ask yourself (and others: family members, friends) to ‘ferret out’ exactly what made this individual ‘special’. They’re guaranteed to open up the floodgates of memory and set your creativity in motion.

Questions To Get You Started

In writing an obituary, it’s our job to tell the story of what is often described as an “ordinary” life in a way that makes it memorable. Here are a few questions to ask (to ensure accuracy, I suggest recording this “Q & A” session, after asking the family’s permission).

• What is your best memory of (the deceased)?
• What were the biggest obstacles he or she faced?
• How did he or she overcome them?
• What about (the deceased) makes you smile?
• What was your relationship like?
• How do you believe he or she would like to be remembered?
• What three words can we use to sum up the life of the deceased?

Once you’ve got the facts of the deceased’s life (and death), you’ll combine them with the story-information you’ve gleaned from these questions; melding them together into an obituary you can be proud of. There are two ways to present your material.

Use a Two-Tiered Format

Here, the first section details the “who, what, why, when and where” of the obituary: the name of the deceased, age, place/nature of the death, and service details. I think this is also the first place to also state the specific charity or organization the family prefers for memorial donations. This is a very easy section to write; the biggest issue here is factual accuracy, not creativity. This example comes from the obituary of a dear friend’s grandson, written by his parents.

“Peyton Johnson Moore, 9, son of Noah John Robert and Jennifer Leigh Moore of Mount Pleasant, South Carolina, passed away on Tuesday, June 4, 2013. A Celebration of Peyton’s Life will be held Saturday, June 8, 2013 in the Ministry Center of St. Andrews Church – Mt. Pleasant, 440 Whilden Street, at 2:00 pm. Inurnment will follow in Mount Pleasant Memorial Gardens. The family will greet friends in Sams Hall of St. Andrews Church – Mt. Pleasant following the inurnment. Arrangements by J. HENRY STUHR INC. MOUNT PLEASANT CHAPEL.”

The Story:

Here is where you get creative, using the responses from those questions noted seen earlier. You’ll be “painting” an image of the individual and telling stories which typified the deceased’s character. Turning once again to Peyton’s obituary:

“Not one to sit around, Peyton was also a member of the International Juggler’s Association, the Cub Scouts, and was a strong athlete. He was a member of the Mt. Pleasant Redskins Championship Football Team, qualified and competed in the USA Track & Field 2012 National Junior Olympic Championship, and was the number one Javelin Thrower in the State of South Carolina for nine- and ten-year olds with all of Peyton’s love of sports from kayaking to swimming, boating to football, he also loved school and his teachers, making straight A’s and holding perfect attendance.”

Start with a “Hook”

Often, there’s a nugget of information you can use to pique the interest of readers right off the bat. The obituary of Harry Stamps offers us a great example:

“Harry Weathersby Stamps, ladies’ man, foodie, natty dresser, and accomplished traveler, died on Saturday, March 9, 2013.
“Harry was locally sourcing his food years before chefs in California starting using cilantro and arugula (both of which he hated). For his signature bacon and tomato sandwich, he procured 100% all white Bunny Bread from Georgia, Blue Plate mayonnaise from New Orleans, Sauer’s black pepper from Virginia, home grown tomatoes from outside Oxford, and Tennessee’s Benton bacon from his bacon-of-the-month subscription. As a point of pride, he purported to remember every meal he had eaten in his 80 years of life.”

Good Obituary Writing

What makes an obituary “good”? Here’s what I think: if I read an obituary for someone– let’s say the obituary for Harry Stamps seen above – and my first thought is “I wish I’d known him personally”, then it was worth the time it took to read it. His obituary is good, as it gave me a heart-level connection with the deceased – usually a total stranger. Now that’s good writing! Sadly, learning how to write an obituary takes practice.

Don’t have the heart to write a loved one’s obituary? No problem; your funeral director can assist you – either by tackling the obituary writing project on his or her own, or by referring you to a professional obituary writer, such as those listed in the directory of The Society of Professional Obituary Writers.

For more tips on funeral planning, check out:

Sarah’s Dream

April 10, 2018 urngarden.com

cremation urn dreamcatcher sunset box for ashes

Looking back on last year, we had some tragic losses. Despite the dark days, we were able to find a glimmer of light shining through, and even learn something along the way. Our commitment to developing and delivering beautiful affordable customized memorials for families remained true. As always, we’ve taken inspiration from our loved ones.

While planning Sarah’s funeral last summer, I discovered that she loved dream catchers. Her mother bought a small key chain size dream catcher to drape from the top of her daughter’s purple urn. I’ve always liked the natural look of feathers and beads, and and knew a little about the symbolism but had never really payed that much attention. For the most part, I sleep well and don’t have bad dreams. But after her death, the image really intrigued me.

After reading about this talisman, I realized that it wasn’t just to ward off nightmares by trapping them in the web and then burning them off in the light of day. Good dreams would pass through and drip down the feathers on to the dreamer below. That image spoke to me.

Working with Sarah’s mom, we created an urn that honors Sarah’s free spirit, her old soul that lived in her young body.

It’s a simple box that is attractive for display at the celebration of life ceremony, and is suitable for burial, compact enough for placement in a niche at the cemetery. We hope it honors others that choose a wild and free lifestyle, and pray for healing for the families. Peace.

Birds of a Feather Cremation Urns: Beauty from the Ashes

April 6, 2018 Kim Stacey

bluebird inspirational motivational quote

At this time of year, here in the San Lorenzo Valley of coastal California, bird song fills the air. Wherever you live, you’re most likely experiencing the same thing. This post, featuring a few of our bird urns for ashes, is written in celebration of this joyful annual occurrence.

“When the Sun of compassion arises darkness evaporates and the singing birds come from nowhere.” ~Amit Ray

Hummingbird Cremation Urns

A small beauty, delightfully called ‘Anna’s Hummingbird’, is one of many birds now enlivening the Redwood forest surrounding the town where I live. I hear them twittering in the blooming Camellia tree in my front yard, but rarely catch a glimpse of them there. It’s only when they perch on the feeder on my front porch, sipping ‘nectar’, that I can study them closely. Who doesn’t find hummingbirds enchanting? The same question could be said of our hummingbird cremation urns.

blue hummingbird cremation urn for humans

One of my very favorite hummingbird urns, one which truly captures their jewel-like beauty, is the stunningly beautiful Hummingbird Keepsake Urn. Its detail and coloring is superb. You’ll see two similarly lovely avian keepsake urns below.There are more tiny treasures, such as our hummingbird cremation necklace.

This first is the Silver Hummingbird Urn Jewelry. It’s diminutive, measuring just 1- 1/8″ in length x 5/8″ in width. The talented jewelers who created this hummingbird cremation pendant are American craftsman who design memorials with care and compassion.

hummingbird cloisonne cremation urn for human ashes

But what if you’re looking for a full-size hummingbird cremation urn? You’ll be delighted with the newest addition to our collection of hummingbird urns, the Happy White Hummingbird Urn for Ashes. Its traditional classic shape is graced by a vibrantly colored hummingbird in mid-sip. The image speaks of the bounty, and the beauty, of the natural world. Here are other beautiful bird urns in our collection.

blue bird urn for ashes — Bluebird of Happiness Adult Urn

More Urns with Birds: Bluebirds, Owls, Cardinals & Eagles

Remember the Hummingbird keepsake urn mentioned earlier? Here are two equally beautiful ones to enjoy. The first is the Cardinal Jeweled Keepsake. It’s as vibrant as this next one, the Bluebird Jeweled Mini Urn.

I think each is a tiny delight to behold.

If tiny treasures are not what you need and full size storage is, the cardinal adult size urn may be a good choice. The scarlet red cardinal perched on a branch of blooming dogwoods is so symbolic for many and is suitable for male or female, father, mother, brother or sister.

“In order to see birds it is necessary to become a part of the silence.” ~Robert Lynd

If you want something a little more masculine and with strong symbolism, the Soaring Free Eagle or Sunset Eagle urn might be a good choice.

You can read more about what makes the eagle such a special creature, the power and majesty behind the bird on this post: The Eagle Always Wins at the Funeral.

This month we’ll once again look at planning and planting a memorial garden in honor of a loved one; it’s part three of a series. If you missed the first two posts, take a minute to check them out now: DIY Memorials: Let’s Talk about Memorial Gardens and the most recent DIY Memorials: Planning a Loved One’s Memorial Garden. Since we’re in mid-celebration of spring–and the return of hummingbirds (and other birds of a feather)–I’m going to plan for a hummingbird sanctuary garden. It should be fun, so stay tuned.

Nettie and the Spirit of the Tiger

March 28, 2018 urngarden.com

Recently, my dad referred to my mother as a tiger. I’d never thought of it before, but he’s right. It suits her. Of course, she’s the most influential woman in my life. Her and my grandmother both were business owners back when many women stayed home to raise the family. They were bringing home the meat. It got me to thinking about other ladies I’ve known that could be called tigers and on a random search for one in particular, I’ve found her obituary. She died last year. I’d like to contact her family and let them know that I’m remembering Nettie and the early influence she had in my life. When I met this classy lady, she was a single parent with 3 teenagers at home. She was probably in her 40s, and working full time as a lender by day and call center supervisor at night. She was attractive and smart and I learned so much from her.

Based on those two ladies, we dedicated a tiger keepsake in their memory. It seems fitting that the tiger would be their spirit animal.

Since then, I’ve been meditating on the women that who were an early influence in my career. It all comes back to the female leadership that I had the privilege of working with at Bass Pro. Back then, they had just released the full color master catalog and toll free number to place orders. The growth was phenomenal. Good role models, excellent training, the latest technology at the time, all helped shape my life journey. I’m so grateful.