DIY Memorials

DIY Memorials: More about Planning a Memorial Garden

April 22, 2018 Kim Stacey

forget me not Today I’d like to do two things: provide you with new resources to help in selecting the plants for your loved one’s memorial garden. You may remember, in ‘part two’ of this series, “DIY Memorials: Planning a Loved One’s Memorial Garden”, I closed with links to a few cool garden planning resources. The second thing I want to do is to look at how to select the “right” plants for the garden. “Rightness” is determined by a number of factors: its suitability for your geographic area and season climate being foremost among them. Other factors: the amount of maintenance required, motivation and intention, as well as the symbolic meaning of the chosen flowers. Before we get started, you might want to read –or revisit– the introductory post in in the series, “DIY Memorials: Let’s Talk about Memorial Gardens”.

memorial garden stone

My Original Idea for this Post…

When I wrote the post mentioned earlier; I’d planned to share how I used one of these tools, Gardena’s Garden Planner, to create a more detailed vision of my plan for the memorial garden described in that same post. Unfortunately, a case of rapidly advancing macular degeneration makes using such an online interface difficult for me – so that’s not an option anymore.” And AMD forced the revision of my original memorial garden idea too. It’s amazing how quickly life can change; when I started this series, I could see well enough to envision a garden full of small, sweet smelling flowers like Alyssum and Sweet William.
Sadly, the continued deterioration of my vision has caused a dramatic change to my memorial garden plan. I began considering larger, more colorful, flowering plants which take little or no care. Then, as often happens, another thought came to me: make the garden attractive to birds! That way, there’s lots of activity to focus my attention. It was serendipity, really; the idea came to me after I had written “Beauty from the Ashes: Birds of a Feather Cremation Urns”.

memorial gifts offered at urn garden

Now, instead of working with plants I knew and was comfortable with, I needed to do some extra research on plants for my area; specifically those which will attract birds.

Selecting the Best Plants for Your Memorial Garden

The Audubon website allows visitors to search their extensive database to discover the most suitable native plants to attract birds in your area (determined by zip code). The search results were extensive, leading me to create a list of seven plants to investigate further:

• California Figwort (Scrophularia californica)–Hummingbirds
• California Rose (Rosa californica)–Chickadee, Titmouse, Crows and Jays
• California Sage (Salvia columbariae) Cardinals, Finches and Grosbeaks
• California-Christmas-Berry (Heteromeles arbutifolia) Orioles, Waxwings
• California-Laurel (Umbellularia californica) Chickadee, Titmouse
• Cobwebby Thistle (Cirsium occidentale) Crows and Jays, Wrens
• Christmashorns (Delphinium nudicaule – Hummingbirds

Dogwood Trees Hold Special Significance

Dogwood trees attract a number of different birds; butterflies too. I learned about them firsthand when I visited my dad in upstate Alabama in 1992 – he had acres of Dogwood trees, and all were in bloom that last week in April. Since I’d like to include a Dogwood tree in the memorial garden in honor of my dad, I did my research and learned I’m in luck. There are, according to a local garden maven, Jan Nelson, there ARE varieties which will do well in this area.

dogwood flowers

The symbolic meanings of Dogwood flowers make my decision to incorporate a Dogwood into my memorial garden extra special. According to online sources, they represent rebirth, pity and regret over a specific decision, durability, reliability, strength, resilience and are signals of “affection to someone who may not reciprocate it.” All of those things typify my estranged relationship with my father. If Dogwoods are especially meaningful; you may like to know about Urn Garden’s Dogwood Flower Urn Pendant. It’s a delicately beautiful keepsake urn.

Selecting Flowers for Your Memorial Garden

“In joy or sadness flowers are our constant friends.” ~Kakuz? Okakura, The Book of Tea

Bringing birds and bird song into the garden is all well and good; but I knew I also want to have brightly-colored flowering plants, like Zinnias, Snapdragons, California Poppies, Pansies, and Petunias. While I’m mainly choosing those because they’re so easy to see, I’m also curious about the symbolic meanings of these blooms.

If things like that matter to you too, check out The Old Farmer’s Almanac website includes “Flower Meanings: The Language of Flowers” the subtitle lets you know the collection is more inclusive (“learn the symbolism of flowers, herbs and other plants”).

Here’s what I discovered about three of my plant/flower selections:

• Pansy: thoughts
• Sage: wisdom, immortality
• Zinnia: thoughts of absent friends

Not all flowers, it seems, have a specific, accepted ‘meaning’. If you don’t find your flowers of choice listed; check out the Flower Expert’s webpage, “Flower Meanings” – or Good Housekeeping’s “41 Beautiful Flowers with Surprising Meanings”. If it’s not there, keep looking. As mentioned in the first post in the series, my dad loved snapdragons; but neither site offered any insight. However, another site declared snapdragons denote grace and, “due to its growth in rocky areas, strength. However, it can also symbolize deviousness.”

Those words aptly describe the man fairly well, really. But if they didn’t, I’d have thought about his personality and life-choices and come up with a very personal meaning for these flowers. The colors of flowers also impart meaning; but for me, being able to see the flower is most important; white and yellow is the most visible for me – so those are the colors I’ll focus on.

• White is associated with light, goodness…It is considered to be the color of perfection.
• Yellow is associated with joy, happiness, intellect, and energy.

Once you’ve decided upon the plants, shrubs, trees and flowers for your loved one’s memorial garden; you’ll need to get them in the ground and take proper care of them. There are great online resources for these aspects of the project, including Cornell University’s Flower Growing Guides, The National Garden Association’s Plant Care Guides and, of course, you can also trust The Old Farmer’s Almanac website, featuring a wealth of related resources, like their Flower Growing Guide. Don’t forget! You can always turn to the staff of your local nursery – no doubt a source of valuable locale-related information.

garden stone memorial

Add a Memorial Garden Stone

An You might remember from last month’s post, I chose two heart-shaped memorial garden stones: the “Angel Memorial Garden Stone Forever Missed” and the “Angel Memorial Garden Stone In My Heart To Stay .I’d thought about using a personalized memorial garden stone, such as the Celtic Tree of Life Personalized Stone – but since my memorial garden was intended to honor more than one individual, I decided against it.

Some Additional Memorial Garden Planning Tips

The act of combing the Internet can bring in new ideas, like these:

• Add a sense of calm with a water feature
• Include comfortable seating for quiet reflection
• Add a wind chime or chimes for auditory interest and to foster positive energy.

Another thing you can do is to incorporate one or more memorial stones. You might remember from last month’s post, I chose two heart-shaped memorial garden stones: the “Angel Memorial Garden Stone Forever Missed” and the “Angel Memorial Garden Stone In My Heart To Stay .(I’d thought about using a personalized memorial garden stone, such as the Celtic Tree of Life Personalized Stone – but since my memorial garden was intended to honor more than one individual, I decided against it.)
Okay, so now it’s up to you to get the work done: select flowers, plants, trees and shrubs for your memorial garden. To prepare the soil, do the planting, and follow-through with regular maintenance.

Next in the Series

If you’re one of the thousands of people who don’t have a backyard or other space for a loved one’s memorial garden; you’ll appreciate our next entry in the memorial garden series: dish and planter box gardens. But next week’s post will be just as interesting and useful. We’ll look at how you can make the most of grocery store flowers–a follow-up to last year’s DIY Memorials post, “How to Make a Memorial Shrine”. Such indoor shrines are popular with people who live in apartments, town houses or condominiums with little or no outdoor space or enough natural light to grow plants indoors. Until then, have a good week!

DIY Memorials: Let’s Talk about Memorial Gardens

February 24, 2018 Kim Stacey

put forth what you want to attract meme

When we first discussed memorial gardens as a blog post topic, I was sure we’d feature only one post on the subject. But, as everyone knows, ideas evolve. Because I now believe there’s more to the topic than I originally thought. This post then, is the first in a series on memorial gardens. It’s intended to spark your imagination and stimulate creative thinking–in preparation for the next steps in creating this DIY memorial. Ready?

Think of a deceased friend, family member, or pet you’d like to honor with a memorial garden. Based on their personality and your desires, what would their garden look like?

forget-me-not-seed-packet

At first, I thought of my dad. His memorial garden would be full of his favorite flowers: snapdragons and tulips. Then, I thought of my mother. She wasn’t big on flowers, but she adored growing vegetables. (Born in 1922, both my parents were children of the depression; between the two, she was the practical one. Dad was an artist at heart, and he’d love lots of color in his memorial garden. Mom would rather have provided nourishing food to her community.)

I asked other folks what kind of memorial garden they’d plant to honor someone special to them. One fellow’s memorial garden idea–for his father, who could only grow crab grass, peppers, and tomatoes–was a rock garden. Interspersed among the rocks would be potted plants – including a (potted) patch of crab grass. When I heard that, I thought “What a great memorial garden idea!” Others started coming to the fore, including indoor dish gardens, and planter box gardens (great for those without a back yard (people living in an apartment, for example).

So, let’s get back to the evolution of this post; from just one; into a series. For those with a yard in which to plant, there will be three posts:

Planning a Memorial Garden: Step-by-Step
Selecting the Right Flowers, Trees or Shrubs
Preparing the Soil, Planting, and Maintaining the Memorial Garden

For those who don’t have an outdoor space, we’ll also look at indoor memorial garden ideas, including dish gardens and planter box gardens.

The final post in the series will focus on ways you can incorporate your loved one’s memorial garden in healing (and honoring) rituals on those ‘special days’ (death anniversary, birthday…wedding anniversary…) when commemoration is due. So stay tuned.

Are you looking for other ways to honor a loved one on the anniversary of their passing? Then, you’re sure to find “Twelve Ways to Celebrate a Loved One’s Death Anniversary” of interest. Oh! Since it’s still February, I’m going to offer this month’s celebration of love, “Beauty from the Ashes: Heart Shaped Urns” and last year’s “Heart-Shaped Urns: A Love Story”.

DIY Memorials: How to Make a Memorial Shrine

January 14, 2018 Kim Stacey

Are you looking for fun, meaningful DIY memorial ideas? If so, you’ve come to the right place because our 2018 blog calendar is chock-full of wonderful do-it-yourself memorial ideas. Today’s post focuses on creating a memorial shrine in honor of a loved one.

And grief therapists tell us a memorial shrine can be a fine addition to your ‘bereavement toolkit’. In the 2011 post “Creating Shrines and Altars for Healing from Grief” Karla Helbert, MS, LPC, tells readers why this is so: “…shrines are external representations of interior mysteries…and ways of showing in tangible form what might be happening in our hearts and spirits. Creating shrines and altars gives us opportunities to remember, to reflect and to honor, as well as to help heal the pain of loss through the act of creating. The creation of a personal shrine can establish a private place to which you can return to reflect, meditate, grieve, engage in a personal ritual, remember, and honor the one who has died.”

A well-conceived memorial shrine shines the light of love, illuminating the relationship shared during your loved one’s lifetime.

How to Make a Memorial Shrine

There are dozens of websites, including Pinterest, where you can find inspiration for your loved one’s memorial shrine. Begin by finding the right location in your home for your memorial shrine: it needs to be placed in a quiet, comfortable place. If you’ve not got a lot of room, don’t worry – you don’t need a lot.

Once the location is decided upon, gather up the items you’d like to include in your loved one’s memorial shrine. Ms. Helbert, the author of the article mentioned earlier, suggests:

Make a list of words that come to mind when you think of your loved one.
Make a list of objects or things that you associate with your loved one.
Write down any words of wisdom, favorite expressions, funny or loving things your loved might have said. If your loved one never spoke, write down memories that have stuck with you, specific times that you continue to return to, that seem to bring some peace and comfort and to remind you of their love.
Write down nicknames or pet names you might have used for each other and any associations those words may bring up.
Write down his or her favorite colors, flowers, foods, hobbies, talents, etc.
Research and find images that correspond to some of the things you have listed. You may find lots of interesting images on the internet that you can print and cut out for use in creating a memory board or seeing the images may spark other thoughts or ideas that you may wish to incorporate in your memorial shrine.

There are dozens of websites, including our Pinterest account, where you can find inspiration for your loved one’s memorial shrine. There are also a couple of good books on the subject, including the 2004 book, Crafting Personal Shrines: Using Photos, Mementos & Treasures to Create Artful Displays by Carol Owen, and Sacred Spaces: Creating Personal Altars and Shrines for Your Home by Beverley Jollands.

Did you know you can even make a portable pocket memorial shrine? I especially like this DIY memorial shrine idea: find an Altoids tin and place some special items–ones which provoke strong feelings when seen – inside.

(Check out this Pinterest page for more on these tiny tributes.)

On a side note: this idea has much the same purpose as a memorial garden, in that you’re creating a sacred space, dedicated to the memory of a loved one, where you can spend time in quiet reflection. Here in the doldrums of winter, if planting a memorial garden when the spring returns to your part of the world sounds like a fine idea, read our post, DIY Memorial Garden. Take it a “step” further, round up your supplies and get crafty to make your own memorial stepping stone.You might also enjoy reading our 2015 post, “Gift Ideas for Someone Who is Grieving” – a worthy read, even if the “someone grieving” is you!