Life in the Garden

Matters of Life and Death

memorial garden

DIY Memorials: More about Planning a Memorial Garden

forget me notToday I’d like to do two things: provide you with new resources to help in selecting the plants for your loved one’s memorial garden. You may remember, in ‘part two’ of this series, “DIY Memorials: Planning a Loved One’s Memorial Garden”, I closed with links to a few cool garden planning resources. The second thing I want to do is to look at how to select the “right” plants for the garden. “Rightness” is determined by a number of factors: its suitability for your geographic area and season climate being foremost among them. Other factors: the amount of maintenance required, motivation and intention, as well as the symbolic meaning of the chosen flowers. Before we get started, you might want to read –or revisit– the introductory post in in the series, “DIY Memorials: Let’s Talk about Memorial Gardens”.

memorial garden stone

My Original Idea for this Post…

When I wrote the post mentioned earlier; I’d planned to share how I used one of these tools, Gardena’s Garden Planner, to create a more detailed vision of my plan for the memorial garden described in that same post. Unfortunately, a case of rapidly advancing macular degeneration makes using such an online interface difficult for me – so that’s not an option anymore.” And AMD forced the revision of my original memorial garden idea too. It’s amazing how quickly life can change; when I started this series, I could see well enough to envision a garden full of small, sweet smelling flowers like Alyssum and Sweet William.
Sadly, the continued deterioration of my vision has caused a dramatic change to my memorial garden plan. I began considering larger, more colorful, flowering plants which take little or no care. Then, as often happens, another thought came to me: make the garden attractive to birds! That way, there’s lots of activity to focus my attention. It was serendipity, really; the idea came to me after I had written “Beauty from the Ashes: Birds of a Feather Cremation Urns”.

memorial gifts offered at urn garden

Now, instead of working with plants I knew and was comfortable with, I needed to do some extra research on plants for my area; specifically those which will attract birds.

Selecting the Best Plants for Your Memorial Garden

The Audubon website allows visitors to search their extensive database to discover the most suitable native plants to attract birds in your area (determined by zip code). The search results were extensive, leading me to create a list of seven plants to investigate further:

• California Figwort (Scrophularia californica)–Hummingbirds
• California Rose (Rosa californica)–Chickadee, Titmouse, Crows and Jays
• California Sage (Salvia columbariae) Cardinals, Finches and Grosbeaks
• California-Christmas-Berry (Heteromeles arbutifolia) Orioles, Waxwings
• California-Laurel (Umbellularia californica) Chickadee, Titmouse
• Cobwebby Thistle (Cirsium occidentale) Crows and Jays, Wrens
• Christmashorns (Delphinium nudicaule – Hummingbirds

Dogwood Trees Hold Special Significance

Dogwood trees attract a number of different birds; butterflies too. I learned about them firsthand when I visited my dad in upstate Alabama in 1992 – he had acres of Dogwood trees, and all were in bloom that last week in April. Since I’d like to include a Dogwood tree in the memorial garden in honor of my dad, I did my research and learned I’m in luck. There are, according to a local garden maven, Jan Nelson, there ARE varieties which will do well in this area.

dogwood flowers

The symbolic meanings of Dogwood flowers make my decision to incorporate a Dogwood into my memorial garden extra special. According to online sources, they represent rebirth, pity and regret over a specific decision, durability, reliability, strength, resilience and are signals of “affection to someone who may not reciprocate it.” All of those things typify my estranged relationship with my father. If Dogwoods are especially meaningful; you may like to know about Urn Garden’s Dogwood Flower Urn Pendant. It’s a delicately beautiful keepsake urn.

Dogwood cremation jewelry

Selecting Flowers for Your Memorial Garden

“In joy or sadness flowers are our constant friends.” ~Kakuz? Okakura, The Book of Tea

Bringing birds and bird song into the garden is all well and good; but I knew I also want to have brightly-colored flowering plants, like Zinnias, Snapdragons, California Poppies, Pansies, and Petunias. While I’m mainly choosing those because they’re so easy to see, I’m also curious about the symbolic meanings of these blooms.

If things like that matter to you too, check out The Old Farmer’s Almanac website includes “Flower Meanings: The Language of Flowers” the subtitle lets you know the collection is more inclusive (“learn the symbolism of flowers, herbs and other plants”).

Here’s what I discovered about three of my plant/flower selections:

• Pansy: thoughts
• Sage: wisdom, immortality
• Zinnia: thoughts of absent friends

Not all flowers, it seems, have a specific, accepted ‘meaning’. If you don’t find your flowers of choice listed; check out the Flower Expert’s webpage, “Flower Meanings” – or Good Housekeeping’s “41 Beautiful Flowers with Surprising Meanings”. If it’s not there, keep looking. As mentioned in the first post in the series, my dad loved snapdragons; but neither site offered any insight. However, another site declared snapdragons denote grace and, “due to its growth in rocky areas, strength. However, it can also symbolize deviousness.”

Those words aptly describe the man fairly well, really. But if they didn’t, I’d have thought about his personality and life-choices and come up with a very personal meaning for these flowers. The colors of flowers also impart meaning; but for me, being able to see the flower is most important; white and yellow is the most visible for me – so those are the colors I’ll focus on.

• White is associated with light, goodness…It is considered to be the color of perfection.
• Yellow is associated with joy, happiness, intellect, and energy.

Once you’ve decided upon the plants, shrubs, trees and flowers for your loved one’s memorial garden; you’ll need to get them in the ground and take proper care of them. There are great online resources for these aspects of the project, including Cornell University’s Flower Growing Guides, The National Garden Association’s Plant Care Guides and, of course, you can also trust The Old Farmer’s Almanac website, featuring a wealth of related resources, like their Flower Growing Guide. Don’t forget! You can always turn to the staff of your local nursery – no doubt a source of valuable locale-related information.

garden stone memorial

Add a Memorial Garden Stone

An You might remember from last month’s post, I chose two heart-shaped memorial garden stones: the “Angel Memorial Garden Stone Forever Missed” and the “Angel Memorial Garden Stone In My Heart To Stay .I’d thought about using a personalized memorial garden stone, such as the Celtic Tree of Life Personalized Stone – but since my memorial garden was intended to honor more than one individual, I decided against it.

Some Additional Memorial Garden Planning Tips

The act of combing the Internet can bring in new ideas, like these:

• Add a sense of calm with a water feature
• Include comfortable seating for quiet reflection
• Add a wind chime or chimes for auditory interest and to foster positive energy.

Another thing you can do is to incorporate one or more memorial stones. You might remember from last month’s post, I chose two heart-shaped memorial garden stones: the “Angel Memorial Garden Stone Forever Missed” and the “Angel Memorial Garden Stone In My Heart To Stay .(I’d thought about using a personalized memorial garden stone, such as the Celtic Tree of Life Personalized Stone – but since my memorial garden was intended to honor more than one individual, I decided against it.)
Okay, so now it’s up to you to get the work done: select flowers, plants, trees and shrubs for your memorial garden. To prepare the soil, do the planting, and follow-through with regular maintenance.

memorial stones for the garden

Next in the Series

If you’re one of the thousands of people who don’t have a backyard or other space for a loved one’s memorial garden; you’ll appreciate our next entry in the memorial garden series: dish and planter box gardens. But next week’s post will be just as interesting and useful. We’ll look at how you can make the most of grocery store flowers–a follow-up to last year’s DIY Memorials post, “How to Make a Memorial Shrine”. Such indoor shrines are popular with people who live in apartments, town houses or condominiums with little or no outdoor space or enough natural light to grow plants indoors. Until then, have a good week!

DIY Memorials: Planning a Loved One’s Memorial Garden

I’ve been thinking about memorial gardens (sometimes called “memory gardens”) ever since writing “DIY Memorials: Let’s Talk about Memorial Gardens” last month. Here’s an uncanny “fun” fact. Had she not died way back in 1988, my mother, Rosemary–briefly mentioned in this first post on memorial gardens–would have been 96 on February 24, 2018; the very same day Lenette published the post (without knowing the day’s significance). I know; it’s just a “coincidence”; still, it pleases me.

backyard memory garden

Meaningful coincidences aside; it makes sense memorial gardens have been on my mind. After all, I promised four more installments. Three will focus on “getting it done” one on selecting the right flowers, trees or shrubs, preparing the soil, planting, and maintaining the memorial garden; and this post on planning the garden. The last post in the series (as I said in the first post) “will focus on ways you can incorporate your loved one’s memorial garden in healing (and honoring) rituals on those ‘special days’ (death anniversary, birthday…wedding anniversary…) when commemoration is due.

Calendar: Spring is HERE!

That’s another factor in keeping the subject in my thoughts. It’s planting time – or will be soon enough. Okay, let’s get down to it: how do you begin planning a loved one’s memorial garden? As with many things, you start with an idea of what you want to do. That ‘seed of intention’ came to you last month, when you answered the question in “DIY Memorials: Let’s Talk about Memorial Gardens”. (You were asked to “think of a deceased friend, family member, or pet you’d like to honor with a memorial garden. Based on their personality and your desires, what would their garden look like?”

Have you done that first step? Here’s my memorial garden idea: I’m going to honor three people: the aforementioned Rosemary; my father William, and my ex-husband Matt; along with two dogs, Courage and Gus and a few very memorable cats: Bonsai, Mittens, Mamma Cat, Jazzy, and a feral stray I used to feed, “Agent Dark Booty”.

Step 1; “check”. Let’s move on to step 2: figuring out the location and dimensions of the garden. The size of your memorial garden isn’t important.

fairy garden

“The garden can be as small as a single tree or perennial plant” notes Leonard Parry, author of the University of Vermont online article “Creating a Memorial Garden”. Or, he writes, it could be “as large as an oversized flowerbed or garden with many different flowers, ornamental grasses, and even shrubs and trees, depending on available space.”

I have a 10×20 foot space in my front yard, which gets a mixture of sun and shade. I’ve lived here two years and have learned what grows well. (My biggest issue is gophers. As a Buddhist, of course I can’t kill them. What I’ve learned to do is to use wire gopher baskets to keep them from easily getting to the roots of a plant. They’re cagey though; late in the season last year I saw one come up alongside a flower – and then “dive in” to the basket containing the root ball. (Sometimes I have to “settle” for doing ‘good works’ of compassion by feeding the gophers. I can live with that–as long as they don’t get carried away devouring the garden!)

Incorporating Memorial Garden Stones

garden stone memorial

I thought it would be nice to use garden stones in my design. I chose two from the Urn Garden collection: the “Angel Memorial Garden Stone Forever Missed” and the “Angel Memorial Garden Stone In My Heart To Stay .” They match in appearance, and I love the timeless sentiment of each.

There are lots of memorial garden stones to choose from here at Urn Garden; check out our collection to find the perfect addition to your loved one’s memorial garden.

Next time we’ll be talking about selecting the right plants (flowers, trees, or shrubs) for the garden. Not only is geographical location a factor; other factors to consider have to do with personal preferences (yours or your loved one’s). Big decisions ahead!

Your assignment today is to determine the size and location of your memorial garden. (If you don’t have a yard in which to create your living tribute, don’t be disheartened; I’ll be talking about memorial dish gardens and planter box memory gardens in the near future.)

Need More Inspiration?

Pinterest is chock full of memorial garden ideas. Another great resource is Country Living’s “16 Free Garden Plans and Plant Lists You Can Use At Home”. You might also like to know there are free online garden planning tools, like Gardena’s Garden Planner (the first recommendation in The Balance’s “7 Free Garden Planners“. Until next time then, happy planning!

Weeping Cherry Tree Memorial

weeping cherry tree

In The Mailbox: One of our clients sent a nice note thanking us for our assistance and the recommendation of a Weeping Cherry for a tree dedication. The Weeping Cherry is one of my favorite ornamental trees and a stunning centerpiece for a memorial tribute. Check your zone out on a garden map, the Weeping Cherry does best in zones 5-8.

Added bonus for the Weeping Cherry tree is they are generally pest and disease resistant and don’t require a lot of pruning.

Here’s an example of a tree dedication, using a personalized river rock garden stone and a Weeping Cherry tree to honor Dave. Simple and elegant.

weeping cherry tree dedication

And then this:

Dear Lenette,

Thank you so much for all that you did to make Nelda’s memorial service even better than she had planned it.

I have always felt that the worst part of any funeral is the time when you leave the cemetery and leave behind someone you loved and have spent a lifetime with. Thanks to your generosity, I brought Nelda home with me and that was such a comfort at a very bad time.

The urn was beautiful (“bee-u-tee-full”, as Nelda would say) and M. loves and cherishes her urn necklace.

Thank you for letting us serve you.

memorial stone

Memorial Idea – August Birth Flower, Gladiolus

For our loved ones that were born in the month of August, a good starting place for planning a memorial theme is the August birth flower, the gladiolus.

august birth flower

Striking beauty, from the Latin word “gladius,” meaning sword. Glads symbolize strength and moral integrity.

If you don’t know the loved one’s favorite color, you could draw on the colors the Peridot gemstone.  Peridot is the August birthstone and is mainly green, with golden yellows and brown inclusions. The color of summer.

peridot august gem

Ancient Egyptians called peridot “The Gem of the Sun” because it was supposedly too bright to be visible in the sunny Egyptian desert. Legend also suggests that peridot can glow at night and it’s now believed that Cleopatra´s emeralds were really fine, dark green peridots.

colorful urns for ashes

Drawing on the color of peridot and the color of summer, Urngarden.com has green and gold urns at a tremendous savings for families.

Check out this unusual idea for a simple, elegant floating glad floral arrangement.

floating gladiolius

Memorial Day Poppies

A nice surprise on Memorial Day 2010, poppies sprang up around the bird bath in the garden.

We love poppies, blood red oriental poppies. Ancient Egyptians placed garlands of poppies on mummies and the Greeks crowned their dead with the flower. Legend has it that in Europe, poppies sprang up on battlefields from the blood of slain soldiers. In the Victorian language of flowers, Poppies symbolize consolation, sleep, and rest,  and was commonly used to memorialize the dead.

“And now, my beauties, something with poison in it, I think. Something with poison in it, but attractive to the eye,  and soothing to the smell. Poppies… Poppies. Poppies will put them to sleep. Sleep. Now they’ll sleep!”
-The Wicked Witch of the West