memorial garden

The Language of Funeral Flowers

June 27, 2018 Kim Stacey

white bleeding heart

Today I’d like to talk about what’s been called “the language of flowers”. Certainly, we all know flowers don’t actually speak; nonetheless, we’ve found a way to embody each type of flower with meaning and significance. These socially-ascribed meanings are useful to us; not only when planning a funeral or a wedding, but also when choosing a cremation urn. An urn with flowers – carefully chosen blossoms representing a quality of the deceased individual or the relationship you shared – can do much to help in restoring one’s life to equilibrium after the death of a loved one.

You can spend hours searching the Internet for resources on the various meanings given to flowers. I noted two of them in “DIY Memorials: More on Planning a Memorial Garden”; the Flower Expert’s webpage, “Flower Meanings” – or Good Housekeeping’s “41 Beautiful Flowers with Surprising Meanings”. But, of course there are others, like the free downloadable PDF guide to the meaning of flowers published online by the Smithsonian Gardens.

The website, The Language of Flowers, is rich with often entertaining entries, like this for the Tuberose: “Dangerous pleasures” and “Voluptuousness.” (Makes me think of Mae West!)

There are also popular books on the subject, including A Victorian Flower Dictionary, which is intended to be a companion guide to the bestseller The Language of Flowers: a Novel, by Vanessa Dffenbaugh.

Also, the reference guide Folklore and Symbolism of Flowers, Plants and Trees (Dover Pictorial Archive) by Ernest Lehner, is very useful, as is The Secret Language of Flowers by Samantha Gray.
If you don’t have time to go through all that material, below you’ll find a chart of commonly-held beliefs about the meaning of some well loved flowers:

Flower Name	Meaning
Amaryllis	Pride
Anemone	Forsaken
Aster	Love, daintiness
Bachelor’s button	Single, blessedness
Basil	Good wishes
Begonia	Beware
Carnation, white	Innocence, good luck
Carnation, pink	I’ll never forget you
Chrysanthemum	Cheerfulness
Daisy	Innocence, hope
Fern	Sincerity, humility, bonds of love
Forget-me-not	True love memories
Gardenia Secret love	Secret love
Geranium	True friendship
Gladiolus Remembrance	Remembrance
Hydrangea	Gratitude for being understood
Magnolia	Love of nature
Poppy, red	Consolation
Rose, dark crimson	Mourning

Rose, pink	Happiness
Rose, white	Purity, heavenly
Rose, yellow	Jealousy
Violet	Loyalty, devotion, faithfulness
Zina	Thoughts of absent friends

Closing with Some Seasonal Musings

As I watch my garden truly take root and come to a colorful, aromatic life, I feel very deeply this is a magical time of year. And while it’s nearing the end of June, where I live we’ve had a long spring–a charming season, as Rainer Maria Rilke captured in just two sentences:

“Spring has returned. The Earth is like a child that knows poems.”
This past week, however, summer arrived with cool, foggy mornings and hot afternoons with temperatures in the low 100s.

“Then followed that beautiful season… Summer…. Filled was the air with a dreamy and magical light; and the landscape Lay as if new created in all the freshness of childhood.”

It seems Longfellow shared my sense of magic in the garden–perhaps, as he says, it lies in the sunlight which nourishes all who stand among the blooming flowers. (Quotes Source: AZ Quotes)

One Last Thing: a Side Note

Because of a lengthy connection with members of the death care profession, I’ve spent years writing about the healing value of flowers – most notably during times of bereavement. Read “Flowers for Funerals – They are Important” or “The Value and Benefit of Funeral Flowers” for more on that subject.

DIY Memorials: Dish Gardens and Window Boxes

June 7, 2018 Kim Stacey

This is our final installment of our memorial gardens series – written expressly for those who for one reason or another are looking for smaller remembrance garden options.

“Smaller” isn’t the only reason to choose one of these alternatives. In truth, it wasn’t size that was important in this example of a DIY memorial project; it was the fact that –in choosing African Violets as the focus of the memorial garden–the outdoor location discussed in earlier installments wasn’t suitable. This may be the case for you, too.

african violets

Why African Violets?

This remembrance garden is in honor of my “Auntie Kayo”, who took me in and loved me like I was her own. She called me “her lambie”, made me a birthday cake and a new Easter dress every year, and I adored her.
She grew African Violets on the ledge above her kitchen sink. They were among the most beautiful things I had ever seen. Now that I’m living in a house with enough of the right kind of sunshine, my DIY memorial to her will be an African Violet dish garden. With that idea in mind, let’s move on.

We’ll first look at ways to use a dish garden to honor the memory of a loved one; and then we’ll turn to window box memorial garden ideas. As always, should you decide either of these options is the right one for your situation, we’ve included some wonderful online resources to support you along the creative journey.

Memorial Dish Gardens

A dish garden is a garden of plants growing in a shallow dish or bowl for a container. The plants used in a dish garden should be compatible and cultivars that stay small or grow very slowly are most commonly used. The medium should be well drained, but hold adequate moisture and should not be very fertile, since a fertile medium would tend to encourage rapid growth. If the container has drainage holes, a saucer or other protective device should be put under it. (Source)

Here are a couple of resources to help you creating your DIY memorial dish garden:

Creating Your Dish Garden
How to Make a Dish Garden

window box flowers

Remembrance Window Boxes

There’s a certain charm to the idea of a window box garden, and they are most suitable for many different types of flowering plants. Naturally, if you’re thinking of a remembrance window box garden, you’ll want to ensure you’ve got the right amount of light for the plants you’ve chosen (and an easy way to water the garden). One of the most inspiring online articles on window box gardens is Midwestern Living’s “30 Bright and Beautiful Window Box Planters“. Certainly, An Extraordinary Day’s “How to Plant a Window Box Garden: Tutorial & Tips” is full of valuable information on starting and caring for window box gardens.

If you’ve missed the earlier installments of this series on memorial gardens–which began way back in February–here’s where you can find them:

“DIY Memorials: Let’s Talk about Memorial Gardens”
“DIY Memorials: Planning a Loved One’s Memorial Garden”

What’s Ahead?

It amazes me that the month of June is here already. As we move into summer, chances are you’ll find yourself busy with season activities and away from the computer. Still, I hope you can join us in the next four weeks – Lenette and I have some wonderful topics to explore with you. Because as I mentioned in one of those earlier memorial garden-related posts, I’m losing my eyesight and can no longer enjoy reading in the traditional sense; one topic I’m most intrigued with has to do with the availability of grief-related materials in audio book format. I’ll be looking more deeply at the language of flowers which we touched upon in the third installment, “DIY Memorials: More about Planning a Memorial Garden”. In celebration of the beauty and meaning of flowers, I’ll also showcase Urn Garden’s collection of floral urns.

Marigolds and Greek Heritage

April 24, 2018 urngarden.com

One of our key employees has been dealing with a family crises this past year. Her older brother has been gravely ill and this has required her to make numerous trips back and forth to St. Louis where he lives. It’s a large, tight knight, Greek Orthodox clan. Her parents are elderly and her brother, knowing that the end was near, wanted his baby sister by his side. She spoils him.

Earlier this year, he told his sister that he wanted to take a trip to Mexico and stay at his favorite resort. He wanted her to go with him. He was cleared for travel by his doctor, but really, travel was probably not the best idea, and it put a strain on his travel companions. He wound up spending 3 days in the hospital while he was there.

Knowing full well his diagnosis, her brother had made his wishes known and originally wanted to donate his body to science. But in the end, he deferred to his mother’s desire, as she had made it clear that she wanted a traditional burial. It’s only been in the last 12 years or so that Greek Orthodox have allowed cremation. Gail Ruben wrote a comprehensive article on Greek Orthodox funeral traditions that includes do’s and don’ts, gift ideas, and the reader comments are informative and helpful.

Although, this particular family chose burial, for a Greek family that might be shopping for an urn for the first time, I would probably suggest the Elegant White cremation urn.

The shape is a classic design. Crisp white represents the landscape and includes a color from the flag. This urn engraves nicely, and we might even be able to laser an orthodox cross on it with names and dates. The nice thing about this style is the metal work. Details like hand tooled etching that often features ancient design elements like laurel and floral leaves.

The point of this story is to say that I wanted to give her a memorial gift in remembrance of her brother. She loves blooming plants and brings in cuttings from her gardens that brighten the warehouse. She doesn’t really have room on her desk for an arrangement, but I know she would shuffle to make room. Her yard is full of bushes and blooms and she has spent the last few months digging holes and moving plantings around to create space. So, she really doesn’t need another one.

I believe in the healing powers of flowers. Especially, this time of year. Around here, everything is still drab. We see little signs of life, greening and buds starting to form, so it won’t be long, and the hummingbirds will arrive in about a week.

Usually, when trying to decide what to pick flowers for an arrangement or gift, I start with the person’s birth flower. For him, October is the marigold. Seriously? It’s not my favorite, but that’s not what it’s about, and the more I thought about it, it seems like marigolds would be a good choice.

It’s an annual and that will suit her just fine. I discovered that the marigold has a Mediterranean heritage. The strong punch of color orange and yellow is happy (and was his favorite color), and even though it doesn’t smell terrific, there are lots of benefits to this flower. They are hardy and could be placed on the patio or by the pool to help repel pesky insects and deer. I’m not sure if I’m going to do a wreath or potted, but I just remembered that there is a large container at the entrance to the warehouse that she keeps stocked with seasonal plantings. It’s just dirt now and might be a welcome site when she returns to work.

DIY Memorials: More about Planning a Memorial Garden

April 22, 2018 Kim Stacey

forget me not Today I’d like to do two things: provide you with new resources to help in selecting the plants for your loved one’s memorial garden. You may remember, in ‘part two’ of this series, “DIY Memorials: Planning a Loved One’s Memorial Garden”, I closed with links to a few cool garden planning resources. The second thing I want to do is to look at how to select the “right” plants for the garden. “Rightness” is determined by a number of factors: its suitability for your geographic area and season climate being foremost among them. Other factors: the amount of maintenance required, motivation and intention, as well as the symbolic meaning of the chosen flowers. Before we get started, you might want to read –or revisit– the introductory post in in the series, “DIY Memorials: Let’s Talk about Memorial Gardens”.

memorial garden stone

My Original Idea for this Post…

When I wrote the post mentioned earlier; I’d planned to share how I used one of these tools, Gardena’s Garden Planner, to create a more detailed vision of my plan for the memorial garden described in that same post. Unfortunately, a case of rapidly advancing macular degeneration makes using such an online interface difficult for me – so that’s not an option anymore.” And AMD forced the revision of my original memorial garden idea too. It’s amazing how quickly life can change; when I started this series, I could see well enough to envision a garden full of small, sweet smelling flowers like Alyssum and Sweet William.
Sadly, the continued deterioration of my vision has caused a dramatic change to my memorial garden plan. I began considering larger, more colorful, flowering plants which take little or no care. Then, as often happens, another thought came to me: make the garden attractive to birds! That way, there’s lots of activity to focus my attention. It was serendipity, really; the idea came to me after I had written “Beauty from the Ashes: Birds of a Feather Cremation Urns”.

memorial gifts offered at urn garden

Now, instead of working with plants I knew and was comfortable with, I needed to do some extra research on plants for my area; specifically those which will attract birds.

Selecting the Best Plants for Your Memorial Garden

The Audubon website allows visitors to search their extensive database to discover the most suitable native plants to attract birds in your area (determined by zip code). The search results were extensive, leading me to create a list of seven plants to investigate further:

• California Figwort (Scrophularia californica)–Hummingbirds
• California Rose (Rosa californica)–Chickadee, Titmouse, Crows and Jays
• California Sage (Salvia columbariae) Cardinals, Finches and Grosbeaks
• California-Christmas-Berry (Heteromeles arbutifolia) Orioles, Waxwings
• California-Laurel (Umbellularia californica) Chickadee, Titmouse
• Cobwebby Thistle (Cirsium occidentale) Crows and Jays, Wrens
• Christmashorns (Delphinium nudicaule – Hummingbirds

Dogwood Trees Hold Special Significance

Dogwood trees attract a number of different birds; butterflies too. I learned about them firsthand when I visited my dad in upstate Alabama in 1992 – he had acres of Dogwood trees, and all were in bloom that last week in April. Since I’d like to include a Dogwood tree in the memorial garden in honor of my dad, I did my research and learned I’m in luck. There are, according to a local garden maven, Jan Nelson, there ARE varieties which will do well in this area.

dogwood flowers

The symbolic meanings of Dogwood flowers make my decision to incorporate a Dogwood into my memorial garden extra special. According to online sources, they represent rebirth, pity and regret over a specific decision, durability, reliability, strength, resilience and are signals of “affection to someone who may not reciprocate it.” All of those things typify my estranged relationship with my father. If Dogwoods are especially meaningful; you may like to know about Urn Garden’s Dogwood Flower Urn Pendant. It’s a delicately beautiful keepsake urn.

Selecting Flowers for Your Memorial Garden

“In joy or sadness flowers are our constant friends.” ~Kakuz? Okakura, The Book of Tea

Bringing birds and bird song into the garden is all well and good; but I knew I also want to have brightly-colored flowering plants, like Zinnias, Snapdragons, California Poppies, Pansies, and Petunias. While I’m mainly choosing those because they’re so easy to see, I’m also curious about the symbolic meanings of these blooms.

If things like that matter to you too, check out The Old Farmer’s Almanac website includes “Flower Meanings: The Language of Flowers” the subtitle lets you know the collection is more inclusive (“learn the symbolism of flowers, herbs and other plants”).

Here’s what I discovered about three of my plant/flower selections:

• Pansy: thoughts
• Sage: wisdom, immortality
• Zinnia: thoughts of absent friends

Not all flowers, it seems, have a specific, accepted ‘meaning’. If you don’t find your flowers of choice listed; check out the Flower Expert’s webpage, “Flower Meanings” – or Good Housekeeping’s “41 Beautiful Flowers with Surprising Meanings”. If it’s not there, keep looking. As mentioned in the first post in the series, my dad loved snapdragons; but neither site offered any insight. However, another site declared snapdragons denote grace and, “due to its growth in rocky areas, strength. However, it can also symbolize deviousness.”

Those words aptly describe the man fairly well, really. But if they didn’t, I’d have thought about his personality and life-choices and come up with a very personal meaning for these flowers. The colors of flowers also impart meaning; but for me, being able to see the flower is most important; white and yellow is the most visible for me – so those are the colors I’ll focus on.

• White is associated with light, goodness…It is considered to be the color of perfection.
• Yellow is associated with joy, happiness, intellect, and energy.

Once you’ve decided upon the plants, shrubs, trees and flowers for your loved one’s memorial garden; you’ll need to get them in the ground and take proper care of them. There are great online resources for these aspects of the project, including Cornell University’s Flower Growing Guides, The National Garden Association’s Plant Care Guides and, of course, you can also trust The Old Farmer’s Almanac website, featuring a wealth of related resources, like their Flower Growing Guide. Don’t forget! You can always turn to the staff of your local nursery – no doubt a source of valuable locale-related information.

garden stone memorial

Add a Memorial Garden Stone

An You might remember from last month’s post, I chose two heart-shaped memorial garden stones: the “Angel Memorial Garden Stone Forever Missed” and the “Angel Memorial Garden Stone In My Heart To Stay .I’d thought about using a personalized memorial garden stone, such as the Celtic Tree of Life Personalized Stone – but since my memorial garden was intended to honor more than one individual, I decided against it.

Some Additional Memorial Garden Planning Tips

The act of combing the Internet can bring in new ideas, like these:

• Add a sense of calm with a water feature
• Include comfortable seating for quiet reflection
• Add a wind chime or chimes for auditory interest and to foster positive energy.

Another thing you can do is to incorporate one or more memorial stones. You might remember from last month’s post, I chose two heart-shaped memorial garden stones: the “Angel Memorial Garden Stone Forever Missed” and the “Angel Memorial Garden Stone In My Heart To Stay .(I’d thought about using a personalized memorial garden stone, such as the Celtic Tree of Life Personalized Stone – but since my memorial garden was intended to honor more than one individual, I decided against it.)
Okay, so now it’s up to you to get the work done: select flowers, plants, trees and shrubs for your memorial garden. To prepare the soil, do the planting, and follow-through with regular maintenance.

Next in the Series

If you’re one of the thousands of people who don’t have a backyard or other space for a loved one’s memorial garden; you’ll appreciate our next entry in the memorial garden series: dish and planter box gardens. But next week’s post will be just as interesting and useful. We’ll look at how you can make the most of grocery store flowers–a follow-up to last year’s DIY Memorials post, “How to Make a Memorial Shrine”. Such indoor shrines are popular with people who live in apartments, town houses or condominiums with little or no outdoor space or enough natural light to grow plants indoors. Until then, have a good week!

DIY Memorials: Planning a Loved One’s Memorial Garden

March 23, 2018 Kim Stacey

I’ve been thinking about memorial gardens (sometimes called “memory gardens”) ever since writing “DIY Memorials: Let’s Talk about Memorial Gardens” last month. Here’s an uncanny “fun” fact. Had she not died way back in 1988, my mother, Rosemary–briefly mentioned in this first post on memorial gardens–would have been 96 on February 24, 2018; the very same day Lenette published the post (without knowing the day’s significance). I know; it’s just a “coincidence”; still, it pleases me.

backyard memory garden

Meaningful coincidences aside; it makes sense memorial gardens have been on my mind. After all, I promised four more installments. Three will focus on “getting it done” one on selecting the right flowers, trees or shrubs, preparing the soil, planting, and maintaining the memorial garden; and this post on planning the garden. The last post in the series (as I said in the first post) “will focus on ways you can incorporate your loved one’s memorial garden in healing (and honoring) rituals on those ‘special days’ (death anniversary, birthday…wedding anniversary…) when commemoration is due.

Calendar: Spring is HERE!

That’s another factor in keeping the subject in my thoughts. It’s planting time – or will be soon enough. Okay, let’s get down to it: how do you begin planning a loved one’s memorial garden? As with many things, you start with an idea of what you want to do. That ‘seed of intention’ came to you last month, when you answered the question in “DIY Memorials: Let’s Talk about Memorial Gardens”. (You were asked to “think of a deceased friend, family member, or pet you’d like to honor with a memorial garden. Based on their personality and your desires, what would their garden look like?”

Have you done that first step? Here’s my memorial garden idea: I’m going to honor three people: the aforementioned Rosemary; my father William, and my ex-husband Matt; along with two dogs, Courage and Gus and a few very memorable cats: Bonsai, Mittens, Mamma Cat, Jazzy, and a feral stray I used to feed, “Agent Dark Booty”.

Step 1; “check”. Let’s move on to step 2: figuring out the location and dimensions of the garden. The size of your memorial garden isn’t important.

fairy garden

“The garden can be as small as a single tree or perennial plant” notes Leonard Parry, author of the University of Vermont online article “Creating a Memorial Garden”. Or, he writes, it could be “as large as an oversized flowerbed or garden with many different flowers, ornamental grasses, and even shrubs and trees, depending on available space.”

I have a 10×20 foot space in my front yard, which gets a mixture of sun and shade. I’ve lived here two years and have learned what grows well. (My biggest issue is gophers. As a Buddhist, of course I can’t kill them. What I’ve learned to do is to use wire gopher baskets to keep them from easily getting to the roots of a plant. They’re cagey though; late in the season last year I saw one come up alongside a flower – and then “dive in” to the basket containing the root ball. (Sometimes I have to “settle” for doing ‘good works’ of compassion by feeding the gophers. I can live with that–as long as they don’t get carried away devouring the garden!)

Incorporating Memorial Garden Stones

garden stone memorial

I thought it would be nice to use garden stones in my design. I chose two from the Urn Garden collection: the “Angel Memorial Garden Stone Forever Missed” and the “Angel Memorial Garden Stone In My Heart To Stay .” They match in appearance, and I love the timeless sentiment of each.

There are lots of memorial garden stones to choose from here at Urn Garden; check out our collection to find the perfect addition to your loved one’s memorial garden.

Next time we’ll be talking about selecting the right plants (flowers, trees, or shrubs) for the garden. Not only is geographical location a factor; other factors to consider have to do with personal preferences (yours or your loved one’s). Big decisions ahead!

Your assignment today is to determine the size and location of your memorial garden. (If you don’t have a yard in which to create your living tribute, don’t be disheartened; I’ll be talking about memorial dish gardens and planter box memory gardens in the near future.)

Need More Inspiration?

Pinterest is chock full of memorial garden ideas. Another great resource is Country Living’s “16 Free Garden Plans and Plant Lists You Can Use At Home”. You might also like to know there are free online garden planning tools, like Gardena’s Garden Planner (the first recommendation in The Balance’s “7 Free Garden Planners“. Until next time then, happy planning!