Life in the Garden

Matters of Life and Death

Memorial Service Ideas

The Language of Funeral Flowers

white bleeding heart

Today I’d like to talk about what’s been called “the language of flowers”. Certainly, we all know flowers don’t actually speak; nonetheless, we’ve found a way to embody each type of flower with meaning and significance. These socially-ascribed meanings are useful to us; not only when planning a funeral or a wedding, but also when choosing a cremation urn. An urn with flowers – carefully chosen blossoms representing a quality of the deceased individual or the relationship you shared – can do much to help in restoring one’s life to equilibrium after the death of a loved one.

You can spend hours searching the Internet for resources on the various meanings given to flowers. I noted two of them in “DIY Memorials: More on Planning a Memorial Garden”; the Flower Expert’s webpage, “Flower Meanings” – or Good Housekeeping’s “41 Beautiful Flowers with Surprising Meanings”. But, of course there are others, like the free downloadable PDF guide to the meaning of flowers published online by the Smithsonian Gardens.

The website, The Language of Flowers, is rich with often entertaining entries, like this for the Tuberose: “Dangerous pleasures” and “Voluptuousness.” (Makes me think of Mae West!)

There are also popular books on the subject, including A Victorian Flower Dictionary, which is intended to be a companion guide to the bestseller The Language of Flowers: a Novel, by Vanessa Dffenbaugh.

Also, the reference guide Folklore and Symbolism of Flowers, Plants and Trees (Dover Pictorial Archive) by Ernest Lehner, is very useful, as is The Secret Language of Flowers by Samantha Gray.
If you don’t have time to go through all that material, below you’ll find a chart of commonly-held beliefs about the meaning of some well loved flowers:

Flower Name Meaning
Amaryllis Pride
Anemone Forsaken
Aster Love, daintiness
Bachelor’s button Single, blessedness
Basil Good wishes
Begonia Beware
Carnation, white Innocence, good luck
Carnation, pink I’ll never forget you
Chrysanthemum Cheerfulness
Daisy Innocence, hope
Fern Sincerity, humility, bonds of love
Forget-me-not True love memories
Gardenia    Secret love Secret love
Geranium True friendship
Gladiolus   Remembrance Remembrance
Hydrangea Gratitude for being understood
Magnolia Love of nature
Poppy, red Consolation
Rose, dark crimson Mourning
Rose, pink Happiness
Rose, white Purity, heavenly
Rose, yellow Jealousy
Violet Loyalty, devotion, faithfulness
Zina Thoughts of absent friends

Closing with Some Seasonal Musings

As I watch my garden truly take root and come to a colorful, aromatic life, I feel very deeply this is a magical time of year. And while it’s nearing the end of June, where I live we’ve had a long spring–a charming season, as Rainer Maria Rilke captured in just two sentences:

“Spring has returned. The Earth is like a child that knows poems.”
This past week, however, summer arrived with cool, foggy mornings and hot afternoons with temperatures in the low 100s.

“Then followed that beautiful season… Summer…. Filled was the air with a dreamy and magical light; and the landscape Lay as if new created in all the freshness of childhood.”

It seems Longfellow shared my sense of magic in the garden–perhaps, as he says, it lies in the sunlight which nourishes all who stand among the blooming flowers. (Quotes Source: AZ Quotes)

One Last Thing: a Side Note

Because of a lengthy connection with members of the death care profession, I’ve spent years writing about the healing value of flowers – most notably during times of bereavement. Read “Flowers for Funerals – They are Important” or “The Value and Benefit of Funeral Flowers” for more on that subject.

DIY Memorial Keepsakes: How to Make a Funeral Program

Funeral program template
Source: Elegant Memorials

If you’ve been to a funeral or memorial service, chances are you were given a funeral program upon your arrival at the service location–so you’re familiar with this traditional addition. But, if you’ve never seen one for yourself; a funeral program is a multi-page printed booklet provided to each guest at a funeral or memorial service. In this post, I’d like to share some ideas for creating a truly personal funeral program in honor of a loved one. Actually, it’s one fundamental idea: your loved one’s funeral program can rise above the commonplace.

What Makes an Extraordinary Funeral Program?
Commonly, a funeral program simply includes the relevant details of the individual’s life, the order of service (who will be speaking, what scripture readings will be shared, or prayers collectively recited), and a photograph of the deceased. It may also feature a favored scriptural passage or prayer. Honestly, I’ve never felt compelled to keep any of these ‘ordinary’ funeral programs – beyond the photographic portrait of the deceased on the cover; there was no ‘emotive’ quality to any of them. In fairly short order, each ended up in the paper recycling bin.

Taking the time to take an ordinary funeral program ‘to the next level’ can turn it into a truly meaningful DIY memorial keepsake, which will be treasured by service guests. Think of it as a gift which allows them to reconnect with the spirit and individuality of their deceased loved one in the future. A funeral program transformed into such a memorial keepsake would feature candid photographs and a biography of the deceased – along with some thoughtful extras.

Who Remembers the T.V. show, “This is Your Life”?
Okay, so I’m dating myself; the show ran on television from 1952 to 1987 – but began on radio in 1946. The title aptly describes the show’s premise: each episode is a review of the life of ‘someone worth knowing’. If you’re curious about the dozens of other guests, view the Classic TV episode list. if you’d like to watch an episode or two, take a look at the Mental Floss online article “5 Must-See Episodes of This is Your Life”.

What does this have to do with making a funeral program? It might help you to think of the project as writing an episode honoring your loved one. Ask yourself, “What does the audience need to know about this individual to better appreciate their legacy?”

Naturally, this requires a little more thought on your part, and maybe the help of family and friends. They can gather photographs and otherwise assist you in putting together this commemorative keepsake.

The task of writing the biographical part of the funeral program can be done in tandem with writing your loved one’s obituary. For guidance, see our April 2018 post, “Four Tips for Writing an Obituary”.

What extras can you add to a funeral program to make it a testament to the life being commemorated? Turn to what you know about them: for example, if he or she loved to cook, you could include one of their favorite recipes, coupled with photographs of them in the kitchen. If known for their wit or sense of humor, it could be an often told joke or commonly- told truism.

Here’s a thought: put the order of service on a separate sheet of paper, to be included as an insert. This gives you the ‘space’ to make a funeral program which is focused solely on your loved one’s life and legacy. No one will want to throw that into the bin – they’ll keep it close at hand to help them through the darker moments of bereavement.

Where to Begin
If you’re a wizard with your chosen word processing program, there’s no doubt you can create a funeral program using one of the brochure or booklet templates provided. For most people, even on a good day, the task would be daunting. And the days following the death of a loved one are by no means, ‘good’ days. Grief is, by its very nature, a detriment to focused attention (that’s another reason why it’s good to ask for help).

Fortunately, many websites offer free funeral program templates, such as Canva, and Template.net. While ‘free’ is nice; when it comes to designing a funeral program worthy of becoming a DIY memorial keepsake, you may want to look at premium funeral program templates. You can find them at the earlier mentioned Templates.net, at Elegant Memorials , even on Etsy The cost ranges from less than $10 to around $30.00.

When looking for the perfect template, consider using a favorite color, flower, or landscape. If he or she was religious, the funeral program can feature relevant artwork or religious iconography. Also, don’t forget to think about the thickness of the paper you want to use in the printing of your loved one’s funeral booklet, as it’s a critical factor in creating a keepsake-worthy funeral program.

Closing with Wise, Inspiring Words
I want to leave you with this thought, from Polish writer and poet, Czes?aw Mi?osz: “The living owe it to those who no longer can speak to tell their story for them.”  I believe this is true. Fortunately, it’s a debt which can be paid, at least in part, by learning how to make a funeral program which tells your loved one’s story with unique insight.

Song Ideas for Music at the Funeral

 

Earlier this year we presented a list of 10 of the most popular modern funeral songs. Many classics were listed there, but today I want to share a few songs that were played at funerals I’ve attended and were not on the list. Some are old traditional hymns with a modern twist, others are recent hits that are appropriate for a memorial service.

Before my grandmother died she did share her wishes as to what she would like for her funeral. She wanted a party and to keep it upbeat, “no crying”. She had picked 3 songs that she wanted played, one of which I’d never heard before called “Softly I Leave You”. Released in the ’60s, it’s an older song that’s been performed by various artists including Frank Sinatra and Elvis did that many people prefer, but I like this one. The arrangement is beautiful and there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. Thanks Grandma….

10 years ago, we told you about the Widows Club and the inspirational women that led to the creation of this business. One of the ladies played this Sarah McLaughlin song at her husband’s funeral. At the time it seemed like the perfect selection as it was a suicide that left the community reeling and the song seemed to comfort those that gathered on that icy gray January day.

The 3rd selection for this post is a timeless hymn that was written at the turn of the century and has been performed throughout the years by countless artists from Johnny Cash, Bob Dylan, Nitty Gritty Dirt Band to most recently a bluesy version that the Tedeschi Trucks Band did as a tribute to Gregg Allman last year.

There’s three for your consideration, I’ve been keeping a list of music that from various genres that would be appropriate for a funeral or memorial service everything from country, blues, and pop and will share more selections coming up.

 

DIY Memorials: How to Arrange Grocery Store Flowers

Today, as a practical follow-up to January’s post, DIY Memorials: How to Make a Memorial Shrine, we’re going to look at how to ‘make the most’ of grocery store flowers.

I don’t know about you, but 9 times out of 10, I buy cut flowers from one of our two local grocery stores. (There’s also a liquor store which sells bouquets – so that makes three sources.) I guess you could say my choices are limited. Perhaps yours are too.
It used to be, when I was a regular visitor to our weekly Farmer’s Market, I was able to hand select the blooms I desired to create an especially unique bouquet. The story is different now – and yours may be; too. Today, the question is “How can I turn ordinary grocery store flowers into ‘something special’? It starts with picking the freshest blooms.

How to Pick Grocery Store Flowers

Rachel Cho, in the 2017 Huffington Post online article “Pick Your Grocery Flowers Like a Pro! 4 Quick Tips for Better Store-Bought Blooms”, offers readers these guidelines for choosing grocery store flowers:

  • Don’t just look at the flowers – pay attention to the foliage and stems, too. You don’t want them to be dried out; but you also don’t want them to be “mushy and slimy” (that means there’s damaging bacteria in the water). You want “green, solid stems and foliage” to ensure healthy flowers.
  • Choose flowers carefully. Now, look at the blooms. You want “blooms that are neither too opened, nor too closed.” Flowers in full bloom won’t last long; and tightly-bound buds may never bloom.
  • Look for seasonal flowers (locally grown (if possible). “Just like vegetables and fresh fruits, the ones that are tastiest and sweetest are the ones in season.”

I would add one more tip: talk to the store manager (or floral department manager, if the store is big enough to have one). Ask him or her about floral delivery days and times – to make sure you get the freshest possible flowers.

How to Arrange Grocery Store Flowers

Once you’ve got your flowers home, you want to start by gathering everything together: nippers, a vase (filled with preservatives and nutrients); and a protective covering for your table top. Now, it’s time to trim the stems–and experts say it’s got to be done right. According to John W. Kelley, of Clemson University’s Department of Horticulture, cutting flowers correctly can extend blossom life 18%-32%.

When it comes to trimming, here’s what he recommends:

  • Fill a basin or clean sink with lukewarm water.
  • Place the flower stems into the water, and cut each stem at a sharp angle (to increase stem capillary surface area); 1 or 2 inches from the cut end.
  • Or, he says you can leave a steady stream of water running from your faucet, and hold the stems underneath the water as you cut them.That seems a bit wasteful to me, though.

When it comes to learning how to arrange flowers, there’s no better means of instruction than video. I found two especially helpful: Architectural Digest’s (Re)Arranging Grocery Store Flowers with Oscar Mora

and Good Housekeeping’s visual presentation, DIY Gift Idea – Grocery Store Flower Makeover. For those who prefer text-based instruction, I thought the Curbly article, How to Make Fabulous Floral Arrangements with Grocery Store Bouquets well-worth reading.

Now…How to Keep the Blooms Fresh

Basically, there are two things you need to do to keep your grocery store flowers fresher, longer. First, you want to start out by:

1.) Reducing the amount of bacteria growth in the water, and
2.) Providing a source of energy for ‘blooming power’.

Banishing Microbial Gremlins

When it comes to cutting back on bacteria, according to the Reader’s Digest online article, How to Make Flowers Last Longer: 8 Pro Tricks, you minimize bacterial growth by adding one of these to the water: 1 tablespoon of apple cider vinegar, a few drops of vodka, one aspirin, three drops of bleach or, (believe it or not), a few pennies to the water.

Feeding Your Flowers…and One More Tip

As you’re probably already aware; for excellent (short term) plant nutrition, it’s a cube of sugar – or about ¼ cup of (sugary) soda. But, here’s something you may not know (I didn’t): you can use a burst of hairspray to keep flowers looking fresher longer. The authors advise standing about “a foot away” to give the undersides of the leaves and petals a “quick spray”.
I’ve not had hairspray in the house for years; I guess I now have a good reason to go out and buy some!

Maintaining the Bouquet

Remembering one of your very first actions after arriving home with your flowers (trimming stem ends); as your bouquet matures, you want to ensure the flow of water to the bloom. That means you’ll want to regularly change the water and trim the stems. This will necessitate the re-arranging of your original bouquet which – if you’re using it as part of a memorial shrine – means you have recurring opportunities to connect at the heart-level with your loved one.

Floral Urns Offer an Alternative to Grocery Store Flowers

If you’d like flowers on a loved one’s memorial shrine but don’t always have access to fresh flowers, why not consider using a floral urn as the focal point? I especially like these two; each has a unique “feel” and would add elegance and beauty to any setting, including an indoor memorial shrine.

blue cremation urn for ashes

I think the Blue Sapphire Adult Urn for Ashes would enhance a shrine with East Asian overtones. For a more traditional setting, it’s the Carolina Rose Cremation Urn. If neither floral urn strikes your fancy, here at Urn Garden (not surprisingly), there’s a virtual garden of beautiful floral urns to choose from.

rose cremation urn for ashes, made in USA

How to Make Flowers Last Longer: 8 Pro Tricks

Your posies and other cut flowers will last longer if you add a copper penny and a cube of sugar to the vase water. The copper in pennies is thought to act like an acidifier, which prevents the growth of bacteria.

Make your own preservative to keep cut flowers fresh longer. Dissolve 3 tablespoons sugar and 2 tablespoons white vinegar per quart (liter) of warm water. When you fill the vase, make sure the cut stems are covered by 3-4 inches (7-10 centimeters) of the prepared water. The sugar nourishes the plants, while the vinegar inhibits bacterial growth. You’ll be surprised how long the arrangement stays fresh.

 

 

Sarah’s Dream

cremation urn dreamcatcher sunset box for ashes

Looking back on last year, we had some tragic losses. Despite the dark days, we were able to find a glimmer of light shining through, and even learn something along the way. Our commitment  to developing and delivering beautiful affordable customized memorials for families remained true. As always, we’ve taken inspiration from our loved ones.

While planning Sarah’s funeral last summer, I discovered that she loved dream catchers. Her mother bought a small key chain size dream catcher to drape from the top of her daughter’s purple urn. I’ve always liked the natural look of feathers and beads, and and knew a little about the symbolism but had never really payed that much attention. For the most part, I sleep well and don’t have bad dreams. But after her death, the image really intrigued me.

After reading about this talisman, I realized that it wasn’t just to ward off nightmares by trapping them in the web and then burning them off in the light of day. Good dreams would pass through and drip down the feathers on to the dreamer below. That image spoke to me.

dream catcher feather urn for ashes

Working with Sarah’s mom, we created an urn that honors Sarah’s free spirit, her old soul that lived in her young body.

dream catcher urn for ashes

It’s a simple box that is attractive for display at the celebration of life ceremony, and is suitable for burial, compact enough for placement in a niche at the cemetery. We hope it honors others that choose a wild and free lifestyle, and pray for healing for the families. Peace.