Life in the Garden

Matters of Life and Death

Confessions

True Meaning of Memorial Day

vintage memorial day postcardSo many Americans celebrate Memorial Day, but how many actually understand what the holiday means? Sure, it’s a time to celebrate the beginning of summer and the end of the school year. However, it’s really a time to remember, honor and pay tribute to those members of the U.S. Armed Forces who died in combat during a war.

Here’s a little history lesson. Memorial Day was originally called Decoration Day in honor of the men who died during the Civil War. However, by the 1860s, since various towns across the country held their own memorial ceremonies, it became obvious to dedicate one day out of the year to this cause. So it became, as ordered by Gen. John Logan, that the first Memorial Day commemoration was held on May 30, 1868. At that time, flowers were placed on the graves of both Union and Confederate solders buried at Arlington National Cemetery.

It took about 20 years for the Northern states to recognize this holiday, and it wasn’t until after World War I ended that Southern states joined forces with their counterparts to celebrate Memorial Day together. It also became that this holiday was to honor all Americans who died fighting in any war. In 1971, Congress declared the final Monday in May as a national Memorial Day holiday. Some of the nation’s Southern states still memorialize Civil War solders in separate ceremonies.

Today, Memorial Day is celebrated in many ways. Drive by any cemetery, and you will see American flags adorning the graves of war veterans. Hometown parades pay tribute with patriotic music and marching bands. And then there’s National Moment of Remembrance. At 3 p.m. local time, everyone is asked to take a few minutes to honor those men and women who died in combat. What do you do to celebrate Memorial Day?

Mother’s Day Can Be Difficult When You’ve Lost a Child

Dear Mother Vintage Postcard

Mother’s Day is just around the corner, and for those whose moms are no longer here, the day holds painful reminders of those losses. Mother’s Day is also a very difficult time for women whose children died. The sentiments alone expressed on that day are enough for many to question their roles of motherhood, especially if the young one who died was their only child.

If you or someone you know are in this situation, the first thing to remember is that a mother is and always will be a mom, no matter if her child is in her arms or buried in a cemetery. Experience has shown me that the days leading up to Mother’s Day are harder than the actual day itself. I vividly remember my first Mother’s Day after I lost my daughter, Emily, in 2000. My husband took me away to Las Vegas for the weekend. I was treated to a luxurious hotel room and had an amazing spa day. It was exactly what I needed to escape.

However, I came home to the reality that although my child wasn’t here on Earth, I was still a mother. The following Mother’s Day, I was pregnant with my second daughter, but that holiday still tugged pretty hard at my heart strings. So here’s what I did. I was kind and patient with myself and tried not to get all wrapped up emotionally in the holiday. After all, it only comes once a year. I surrounded myself with loved ones who got how I was feeling.

I also wrote my thoughts about being a mom in a journal and visited the cemetery where my daughter is buried. My husband and I went out to a pleasant dinner the day before, so we wouldn’t be bombarded with all the Mother’s Day sentiments. Finally, I celebrated the growing life in me.

And you know what? I survived. Every Mother’s Day since those first two years has been filled with joy and happiness. I do, however, always take time from the day with my living children to honor, bless and celebrate the very short time I got to be Emily’s mom here on Earth. Remember, love never dies.

About the author: Mary Beth Adomaitis is a freelance writer living in Southern California with her husband and two living children. After her daughter’s death in 2000, she began writing about Death and Dying topics as a way helping others going through the tragic loss of a child. She can be reached at mba317@mac.com

What to Wear to a Funeral

A few years ago, a woman I know lost her 3-year-old son to a genetic disorder. At his funeral, the family requested that everyone wear orange, as that was Cooper’s favorite color. What a bright service that was too! That amazing color brightened the mood of the entire funeral and burial. Yes, everyone was still very sad that Cooper had died, but the energy from the orange funeral clothing helped sooth the entire experience.

Wearing brightly colored clothing to funerals it not as unusual as you may think. In today’s society, where the face of death is changing and becoming more accepted by the general population, the etiquette surrounding a funeral, memorial service, or burial is shifting as well.

Traditionally, funerals are formal affairs and guests have been required to dress accordingly, typically with dark suits for men and similar black ensembles for women. This rule of etiquette dates from the Victorian era when Queen Victoria’s husband, Prince Albert, died. Your Highness went into deep mourning for 40 years, wearing head-to-toe black clothing. While whittled down today, this custom never completely went out of style.

Many modern-day funerals and memorial services celebrate the lives of loved ones who died. Wearing all black or dark colors, although still a sign of respect, is not required especially if the funeral or memorial service has a theme such as the orange clothing for Cooper’s service.

The bottom line is this: If you know the funeral or memorial service will be traditional or formal in nature, then you need to dress for respect. Pull out the suit or the black dress and heels and go with that. However, if you are attending a Celebration of Life ceremony and everyone is asked to come Hawaiian shirts because the deceased loved Hawaii, then keep the formal funeral clothes in the closet. When in doubt, double check with a friend of the family or stick with the dressier apparel.

Birds of a Feather Cremation Urns

Beautiful Urns Nature Themes

We’ve been inspired by the signs of spring. The twittering of our feathered friends led to the creation of our Song Bird Urn Collection.  Styles range from sturdy metal urns to blown glass beauties like the Secret Garden Urn for Ashes.

Secret Garden Urn for Ashes

  • European hand-blown glass
  • Hand-painted artistry

Another hand painted beauty is the Cardinal Cremation Urn that features a vibrant scarlet bird perched on a branch of blooming dogwood flowers.

Cardinal Cremation Urn

So pretty and suitable for male or female, we can also laser engrave names and dates if the family desires. This one has the look of ceramic, but is actually sturdy metal in the traditional vase shape.

We’re celebrating the return of the hummingbirds with a new style of  Hummingbird urn.

hummingbird cremation urn for ashesThis one is metal also with layers of rich emerald green enamel and sparkling mother of pearl inlay to create the hummingbird and flowers. The contrast of the iridescent mother of pearl against the dark green background is so beautiful.

And there’s always the classic style that features the birds in flight on a silvery blue metallic background. This is an ancient design, birds symbolize freedom and strength and are the messengers to the gods. Timeless classics to create a beautiful memorial.

Urn Garden Cremation Urns

 

Everyday Heros

This week’s bombings in Boston, Massachusetts, are a grizzly yet unfortunate reminder that awful things can and do happen in this world. But, it is also an indication that although there are bad or mean-spirited people, there are also overwhelmingly more kind and gentle-hearted ones.

memorial tattooMany stories are coming out of this Boston Marathon tragedy; a lot of them sad and unfathomable. There are, however, multiple tales of heroism, Good Samaritans, and amazing human nature.

Dr. Vivek Shah, an orthopedic surgeon from New England Baptist Hospital in Massachusetts, was close to completing the 26.2-mile run when the two bombs went off. Fearing for his family waiting for him at the finish line, he sprinted toward them until he realized what he was running into. Described as a “war zone,” Dr. Shah stopped to administer emergency care to whomever needed it. It didn’t matter that he was exhausted from running the race. He just knew he had to step in and help until emergency personnel came. He later found his family safe.

Persian Gulf War veteran, U.S. Army Officer Bruce Mendelsohn, was another every day hero who jumped in to help when and where it was needed after the blasts. While enjoying a post-race party nearby, he rushed down to the scene to offer assistance after hearing the bombs detonate. Without giving his own well-being a second thought, he went into action assisting the wounded. He said his Army training “kicked in” along with his desire to help.

That’s the thing with tragedies such as this. They may scare and even anger people, but it won’t stop them from banning together to help out their fellow men or women. We’ve seen it on September 11, 2001, again during Hurricane Katrina, and now during the Boston Marathon. Many prayers and healing thoughts go out to the victims and families affected by this disaster.