Urngarden.com | Cremation Urn Discussion

Beautiful Urn Ideas for Spring

May 18, 2018 urngarden.com

If you have the difficult task of selecting a cremation urn today, our hearts go out to you. It’s can be so overwhelming, there’s so many choices these days. You can pick a favorite color or even focus on the season. Look around, it’s Spring and everything is starting to awaken. In this part of the country, Spring was late this year, but now? Everything is lush and green. Let’s start there.

Green Cremation Urns

Green is the color of renewal. Perhaps this is a contradiction to a life ended, but perhaps this color could signify rebirth and restoration. Here’s a few ideas for green urns to represent the change of season. The first one is an iridescent green and gold that changes color depending on the light. To bad the photograph doesn’t reflect the true beauty. Our customers always tell us that this urn is so much more beautiful than the picture. This is a heavy metal that comes in both adult size and a smaller token that holds just a tiny bit of ash.

Another family favorite is the Lucky Shamrock, also metal and can be laser engraved with your loved one’s name. Deep dark green marbling with hand engraved details. Green is gender neutral and many of these themes work for a mother, father, sister, or brother.

On the small side, is a heart shaped urn for ashes that holds small amounts for families that want to preserve a keepsake from the funeral.

Maybe green is your least favorite color. Take a cue from Mother Nature, my roses are just went into full bloom. There are beautiful vase shaped and wood box style urns that have roses ranging from hand painted to inlaid mother of pearl styles. The birds are singing and building nests. We have a whole category of cremation urns dedicated to birds and flowers that was created in my grandmother’s memory.

The hummingbirds have returned and are hitting the feeders hard after a long flight. We have several hummingbird styles in both large and the small keepsake size.

Most of what we’ve shown you are the traditional metal vase shape urns. They are affordable, versatile, suitable for burial or beautiful enough for display in the home. Some of the most stunning styles of cremation memorials are blown glass. Artisan glass is also more expensive than the brass urns and to minimize handling these pieces are often shipped directly from the artist’s studio.

Spring Fling is a sharp contrast from a dark drab old fashioned funeral urn. This metal design features bright yellow tulips and beautiful butterflies against a blue sky. It feels light and fresh after a dark winter and reminds us that brighter days are ahead. If you have a tight timeline, it’s worth knowing that the most of the metal urns are stocked in our warehouse and can be shipped within 24 hours.

If you’ve shopped around, you know that in addition to the urns, there’s jewelry that ties to these themes if that’s something that your family is interested in. Hopefully, this guide will help you in narrowing down your choices. Have questions? We can help!

Anticipatory Grief: One Woman’s Story

May 15, 2018 Kim Stacey

inspirational motivational quotes for hope

Today, I’d like to talk about anticipatory grief in general, and my experience of it in particular. In the process, I’ll offer a few tips for dealing with anticipatory grief – which is exactly as it sounds. It’s the experience of grieving–not at the time of death–but long before when the specter of death becomes visible on the horizon.

Here’s My Story

My ex-husband died on June 16th, 2015. We had gotten the diagnosis of “stage 4 colon cancer” some two and a half years earlier, on Thanksgiving Day, 2012. (That holiday has never been the same, by the way.) I remember his phone call that morning so clearly as it was the moment the seed of anticipatory grief was planted–and quickly took root–deep in my heart. There it stayed, growing stronger and more complex with each passing day. At first, it felt like fear; transformed into anger and finally became an all-pervasive sadness – tinged with hopelessness.

His situation was just one thing I was dealing with at the time; our dog, Courage, was diagnosed (almost at the same time) with congestive heart failure. Certainly, 2012 was a long year; taking Matt to chemotherapy every two weeks and then coming home to provide compassionate end-of-life care for the dog. Watching them both decline was heartbreaking.

You could say there were really two seeds planted deep in my heart that season. There they stayed, rooting themselves deep.

“Grieving Before a Death: Understanding Anticipatory Grief”

Things to Remember about Anticipatory Grief

It’s very obvious to you after telling you that story; anticipatory grief refers to a grief reaction that occurs before an impending loss. And my story proved that anticipatory grief can be your constant companion for months – years, even. So how should you deal with it?

If you’re faced with the anticipated death of a close family member or friend–or as I was–a pet; just how should you handle your anticipatory grief? Grief educators tell us that we should:

Accept that it’s a normal reaction to loss, whether in the moment, or in the foreseeable future.
Acknowledge each of the small losses experienced along the way. As your family member’s health declines, their physical and/or mental abilities will be affected. One of the saddest days we had was when Matt called to tell me he could no longer start his motorcycle – he had to ask a stranger to start it for him in the parking lot of a local store. He was devastated by the change.
Reflect on the time left, and determine how you wish to spend it. There’s more to this experience than visiting doctor’s offices. Find spaces in your days together for ‘quality time’.
Communicate openly with friends and family. This is a tough one; yet it’s imperative to get the kind of support you need (and deserve) from those around you.
Take good care of your physical and mental well-being. In all honesty, this is where I ‘dropped the ball’. Thanks to hindsight, I realize that during those 30 months, I drank too much alcohol and didn’t eat very well. Live and learn.

If things are really challenging for you, please think about seeing a counselor.

One thing that really helped me when I was caring for Matt and Courage during those months, was the realization that all things end. Buddhists call it “impermanence”:

“‘All…things are impermanent’ — when one sees this with wisdom, one turns away from suffering.” The Buddha

run the day inspirational motivational quote

Simply knowing “this too shall pass” made each day just a bit easier. Most of the time, anyway; some days I was too tired to see the truth of impermanence. Sometimes, I felt this trial would never end; but of course it did.

Using the “Anticipatory Grief Scale”

Educators at Brown University have developed a tool – the “Anticipatory Grief Scale”–which can help you see how well you’re dealing with an impending loss. While it specifies ‘dementia’ as the source of loss, I believe you can still find value in it – simply by changing ‘dementia’ to the condition in question. See if gives you some insight into how well you’re dealing with anticipatory grief.

Just an Interesting Aside

When I was thinking about this post, tear-vials came to mind. If you’re not already aware of them; tear vials (sometimes called ‘tear bottles’) have been around for centuries. For example, when someone died “in ancient Judea, mourners left a glass vial filled with their tears in their loved one’s tomb.” (Source)

Such a lovely idea, and in my imagination, I see myself putting hundreds of filled tear bottles in Matt and Courage’s respective burial places. For me, crying was a very big part of my experience of anticipatory grief. While psychologists argue about the benefits of crying is I know the act of shedding tears for these impending losses) was a major stress reliever. But, it’s always been easy for me to cry; certainly, if you’re not amenable to crying, don’t feel that you have to!

The third anniversary of Matt’s death is just a month away. All sorts of feelings again come to the surface, and it’s time to think about what it is my sons and I want to do to honor the man, and the day. If the anniversary of your loved one’s passing is coming up, check out “Twelve Ways to Celebrate a Loved One’s Death Anniversary.”

Firefighter Burden Walk, March of the Bull

May 2, 2018 urngarden.com

We’ve got a soft spot here for the men and women who dedicate their lives to fire service and rescue. As discussed here before, my father was a firefighter, a captain at one of the busiest fire houses in the country. Growing up around firemen, one thing we’ve noticed over the years is the cancer risk as well as respiratory issues seem to be noticeably higher among this group. When my dad started so many years ago, the department didn’t even provide air masks or respirators. Most of these men are long retired or dead, but besides the brotherhood, they all had one thing in common, the fire house cough.

Recently, retired firefighter Tom “Bull” Hill is on a 640-mile journey from Key West to Tallahassee, Florida walking to raise awareness regarding benefits that families of firefighters DON’T receive when the spouse dies of cancer when exposed to hazards on the job. With over 30 years of service with Orange County Fire Rescue, his walk started in memory of two fallen friends who were disgusted over the lack of benefits for their survivors.

Hill traveled over 100 miles when firemen from Miami caught up with him and offered to carry his pack to ease the burden and offered a place to rest, eat, and sleep overnight at the station. Word traveled, and all along the route supporters have turned out to walk a few miles with Hill and carry his “burden”. He’s collected patches from the various departments and Hill started a ledger of names to remember those who died in the line of duty, medical issues, and suicide.

Earlier this week, as Hill made his way north, Danny, our friend and colleague in central Florida joined Bull Hill on the march. Danny is a couple of years away from retirement so he understands the impact this health situation can have on the families of his brothers and sisters in fire service. He is also the talented designer behind a touching memorial for firefighters, a bronze cremation urn that is a sculpted fire helmet that can be personalized with name, department, and rank.

A beautiful tribute that is made by American craftsman for true American hero’s. Danny, we thank you for your service and for supporting awareness on the March of the Bull. You can support the men and women of the Florida fire departments by signing the petition here.

DIY Memorials: How to Arrange Grocery Store Flowers

April 26, 2018 Kim Stacey

Today, as a practical follow-up to January’s post, DIY Memorials: How to Make a Memorial Shrine, we’re going to look at how to ‘make the most’ of grocery store flowers.

I don’t know about you, but 9 times out of 10, I buy cut flowers from one of our two local grocery stores. (There’s also a liquor store which sells bouquets – so that makes three sources.) I guess you could say my choices are limited. Perhaps yours are too.
It used to be, when I was a regular visitor to our weekly Farmer’s Market, I was able to hand select the blooms I desired to create an especially unique bouquet. The story is different now – and yours may be; too. Today, the question is “How can I turn ordinary grocery store flowers into ‘something special’? It starts with picking the freshest blooms.

How to Pick Grocery Store Flowers

Rachel Cho, in the 2017 Huffington Post online article “Pick Your Grocery Flowers Like a Pro! 4 Quick Tips for Better Store-Bought Blooms”, offers readers these guidelines for choosing grocery store flowers:

Don’t just look at the flowers – pay attention to the foliage and stems, too. You don’t want them to be dried out; but you also don’t want them to be “mushy and slimy” (that means there’s damaging bacteria in the water). You want “green, solid stems and foliage” to ensure healthy flowers.
Choose flowers carefully. Now, look at the blooms. You want “blooms that are neither too opened, nor too closed.” Flowers in full bloom won’t last long; and tightly-bound buds may never bloom.
Look for seasonal flowers (locally grown (if possible). “Just like vegetables and fresh fruits, the ones that are tastiest and sweetest are the ones in season.”

I would add one more tip: talk to the store manager (or floral department manager, if the store is big enough to have one). Ask him or her about floral delivery days and times – to make sure you get the freshest possible flowers.

How to Arrange Grocery Store Flowers

Once you’ve got your flowers home, you want to start by gathering everything together: nippers, a vase (filled with preservatives and nutrients); and a protective covering for your table top. Now, it’s time to trim the stems–and experts say it’s got to be done right. According to John W. Kelley, of Clemson University’s Department of Horticulture, cutting flowers correctly can extend blossom life 18%-32%.

When it comes to trimming, here’s what he recommends:

Fill a basin or clean sink with lukewarm water.
Place the flower stems into the water, and cut each stem at a sharp angle (to increase stem capillary surface area); 1 or 2 inches from the cut end.
Or, he says you can leave a steady stream of water running from your faucet, and hold the stems underneath the water as you cut them.That seems a bit wasteful to me, though.

When it comes to learning how to arrange flowers, there’s no better means of instruction than video. I found two especially helpful: Architectural Digest’s (Re)Arranging Grocery Store Flowers with Oscar Mora

and Good Housekeeping’s visual presentation, DIY Gift Idea – Grocery Store Flower Makeover. For those who prefer text-based instruction, I thought the Curbly article, How to Make Fabulous Floral Arrangements with Grocery Store Bouquets well-worth reading.

Now…How to Keep the Blooms Fresh

Basically, there are two things you need to do to keep your grocery store flowers fresher, longer. First, you want to start out by:

1.) Reducing the amount of bacteria growth in the water, and
2.) Providing a source of energy for ‘blooming power’.

Banishing Microbial Gremlins

When it comes to cutting back on bacteria, according to the Reader’s Digest online article, How to Make Flowers Last Longer: 8 Pro Tricks, you minimize bacterial growth by adding one of these to the water: 1 tablespoon of apple cider vinegar, a few drops of vodka, one aspirin, three drops of bleach or, (believe it or not), a few pennies to the water.

Feeding Your Flowers…and One More Tip

As you’re probably already aware; for excellent (short term) plant nutrition, it’s a cube of sugar – or about ¼ cup of (sugary) soda. But, here’s something you may not know (I didn’t): you can use a burst of hairspray to keep flowers looking fresher longer. The authors advise standing about “a foot away” to give the undersides of the leaves and petals a “quick spray”.
I’ve not had hairspray in the house for years; I guess I now have a good reason to go out and buy some!

Maintaining the Bouquet

Remembering one of your very first actions after arriving home with your flowers (trimming stem ends); as your bouquet matures, you want to ensure the flow of water to the bloom. That means you’ll want to regularly change the water and trim the stems. This will necessitate the re-arranging of your original bouquet which – if you’re using it as part of a memorial shrine – means you have recurring opportunities to connect at the heart-level with your loved one.

Floral Urns Offer an Alternative to Grocery Store Flowers

If you’d like flowers on a loved one’s memorial shrine but don’t always have access to fresh flowers, why not consider using a floral urn as the focal point? I especially like these two; each has a unique “feel” and would add elegance and beauty to any setting, including an indoor memorial shrine.

I think the Blue Sapphire Adult Urn for Ashes would enhance a shrine with East Asian overtones. For a more traditional setting, it’s the Carolina Rose Cremation Urn. If neither floral urn strikes your fancy, here at Urn Garden (not surprisingly), there’s a virtual garden of beautiful floral urns to choose from.

rose cremation urn for ashes, made in USA

How to Make Flowers Last Longer: 8 Pro Tricks

Your posies and other cut flowers will last longer if you add a copper penny and a cube of sugar to the vase water. The copper in pennies is thought to act like an acidifier, which prevents the growth of bacteria.

Make your own preservative to keep cut flowers fresh longer. Dissolve 3 tablespoons sugar and 2 tablespoons white vinegar per quart (liter) of warm water. When you fill the vase, make sure the cut stems are covered by 3-4 inches (7-10 centimeters) of the prepared water. The sugar nourishes the plants, while the vinegar inhibits bacterial growth. You’ll be surprised how long the arrangement stays fresh.

Marigolds and Greek Heritage

April 24, 2018 urngarden.com

One of our key employees has been dealing with a family crises this past year. Her older brother has been gravely ill and this has required her to make numerous trips back and forth to St. Louis where he lives. It’s a large, tight knight, Greek Orthodox clan. Her parents are elderly and her brother, knowing that the end was near, wanted his baby sister by his side. She spoils him.

Earlier this year, he told his sister that he wanted to take a trip to Mexico and stay at his favorite resort. He wanted her to go with him. He was cleared for travel by his doctor, but really, travel was probably not the best idea, and it put a strain on his travel companions. He wound up spending 3 days in the hospital while he was there.

Knowing full well his diagnosis, her brother had made his wishes known and originally wanted to donate his body to science. But in the end, he deferred to his mother’s desire, as she had made it clear that she wanted a traditional burial. It’s only been in the last 12 years or so that Greek Orthodox have allowed cremation. Gail Ruben wrote a comprehensive article on Greek Orthodox funeral traditions that includes do’s and don’ts, gift ideas, and the reader comments are informative and helpful.

Although, this particular family chose burial, for a Greek family that might be shopping for an urn for the first time, I would probably suggest the Elegant White cremation urn.

The shape is a classic design. Crisp white represents the landscape and includes a color from the flag. This urn engraves nicely, and we might even be able to laser an orthodox cross on it with names and dates. The nice thing about this style is the metal work. Details like hand tooled etching that often features ancient design elements like laurel and floral leaves.

The point of this story is to say that I wanted to give her a memorial gift in remembrance of her brother. She loves blooming plants and brings in cuttings from her gardens that brighten the warehouse. She doesn’t really have room on her desk for an arrangement, but I know she would shuffle to make room. Her yard is full of bushes and blooms and she has spent the last few months digging holes and moving plantings around to create space. So, she really doesn’t need another one.

I believe in the healing powers of flowers. Especially, this time of year. Around here, everything is still drab. We see little signs of life, greening and buds starting to form, so it won’t be long, and the hummingbirds will arrive in about a week.

Usually, when trying to decide what to pick flowers for an arrangement or gift, I start with the person’s birth flower. For him, October is the marigold. Seriously? It’s not my favorite, but that’s not what it’s about, and the more I thought about it, it seems like marigolds would be a good choice.

It’s an annual and that will suit her just fine. I discovered that the marigold has a Mediterranean heritage. The strong punch of color orange and yellow is happy (and was his favorite color), and even though it doesn’t smell terrific, there are lots of benefits to this flower. They are hardy and could be placed on the patio or by the pool to help repel pesky insects and deer. I’m not sure if I’m going to do a wreath or potted, but I just remembered that there is a large container at the entrance to the warehouse that she keeps stocked with seasonal plantings. It’s just dirt now and might be a welcome site when she returns to work.