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Preventing Caregiver Burnout: 6 Self-Care Tips for Caregivers

March 17, 2019 Kim Stacey

stress meter caregiver burnout

Without a doubt, human beings become aware of the concept of ‘death’ fairly early in childhood – unless adult family members choose to shield them from what they feel is a harsh reality. Still, kids are curious, and usually find dead things fascinating. They may be ill-equipped to understand death’s implications, but they learn what it looks like while still fairly young. It could be a dead bird lying in the front yard, killed when hitting a window; or the body of a neighbor’s dog or cat, killed when attempting to cross the street.

Knowing about the existence of death, we continue through our day-to-day lives. We may not be comfortable with death, but we get pretty darned good at ignoring its constant presence. Then, one earthshaking day, you’re forced to look directly at it. Often, it’s due to a terminal medical diagnosis of a loved one. Nothing is ever the same after that moment; and death becomes a silent companion during the long days and nights of caregiving. And its presence can affect you in unexpected ways, often leading to something called “Caregiver Burnout”. Let’s talk about that; and how you can develop self-care practices to help get you through the stress and fatigue that often accompanies caregiving.

As in anything labeled a “practice,” such as meditation or yoga, you must be consistent in your self-care practices. In an ideal world, it would be a daily routine; unfortunately, caregiving can become far from routine or predictable. It’s at this time, of course, your well-being truly depends on such a self-care practice most. With that said…let’s move on.

Self-Care Advice for Caregivers

What Does “Self-Care” Really Mean?

What is self-care? Often the phrase is misunderstood; taken to mean self-indulgence (spa days, that sort of thing). If asked, Google will tell you self-care is a habit “of taking action to preserve or improve one’s own health and protect one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.” While a spa day may be one of the actions taken, self-care for caregivers is more about protecting one’s well-being by taking the following actions and becoming a student again. Learn everything you can about your loved one’s condition. Ask the physicians involved what changes to expect in the months ahead. This is a time when ‘the more you know, the better off you are.’

Also, take some time to examine your feelings about death and dying. Our culture doesn’t put much attention on either; and now that you’re caregiver for someone who is very ill, death can loom in the not-too-distant future. To some degree, get comfortable with it.

6 Self-Care Tips for Caregivers

Below you’ll find several tips to help prevent things like fatigue, stress and “Caregiver Burnout”.

  1. Use all the resources available to you. That includes family, friends, neighbors; your church congregation, and local agencies. This is a critical feature of a self-care practice for caregivers; don’t ‘go it alone.’ Check with the National Caregivers Alliance , the American Society on Aging, and Rosalyn Carter’s Institute for Caregiving for insight into what’s available. Contact your local agency on aging; and don’t forget to bring in your local hospice organization when it’s appropriate.
  2. See your doctor regularly. I’ll be the first to tell you; it doesn’t take long to be weary of doctor visits. As a caregiver it’s all too easy to ignore your health – who wants another doctor’s appointment on an already overcrowded calendar? Do it anyway. And don’t forget to eat the right foods, curb your intake of alcohol, and (while you’re at it) develop an exercise routine.
  3. Carve out quiet time. Whenever you can, relax in your favorite way. I listen to audiobooks and garden when the weather’s nice enough. Remember what it is that nourishes your spirit and regularly make time to do it.
  4. Spend time with friends. This may sound like the previous action step (‘relax’). But it’s not. Friends bring something special to our lives. “A friend is what the heart needs all the time,” said American poet, Henry Van Dyke; and certainly he’s right. Now; I present the sixth and final aspect of a self-care practice for caregivers –and I saved the best for last.
  5. Learn to forgive yourself. When I say this is the ‘best’ of the six action steps, I mean it’s the most far-reaching. It’s also the hardest step of the six; in truth, learning to forgive yourself can take a lifetime. It’s so worth the effort – and there are hundreds of online articles to guide you. It also may help you to join a support group or to see a counselor. Seeing yourself mirrored in the eyes of others who truly understand what you’re going through can teach you some valuable lessons about who you really are. (We’re pretty hard on ourselves, you know.)
  6. Cry. Because some folks don’t like to cry – or should I say they don’t feel the need to cry very often; it’s hard to recommend they incorporate regular crying sessions into their self-care routine. But I’ll tell you, it’s a true tension reliever!

Why is Self-Care is Important for Caregivers?

I learned this lesson the hard way. As the old song says, I can see clearly now; but at the time I was blind to what was happening to me over the two and a half years of his illness. By the time he died, I was a physical and emotional wreck. And it took a good year and a half to get myself back on track. (Read: “Anticipatory Grief: One Woman’s Story” for more.)

In the back of my mind I hear my mom, “Don’t do as I do, do as I say.” My heart-felt advice to you is to follow her admonition – don’t neglect your well-being; without it, you can’t do the task you’ve taken on (at least not very well).

Filed Under: Confessions, Fitness, mental health Tagged With: caregiver burnout, caregiver stress syndrome, living with dying, self-care practices for caregivers

Comfort Zone

September 24, 2012 urngarden.com

QUOTE FOR THE DAY:
“When you’re stuck sitting in a comfort zone, small problems become magnified. Get out of your comfort zone, touch the edge, and you come back with an appreciation for life.” – Barbara Warren, 1943-2008

Barbara Warren was filler in my local newspaper, I found a wire service blurb about this senior athlete tucked away and was so impressed by her story that I wanted more information. She’d led such an inspirational life and I was just starting to meet several seniors who were fascinatingly fit at my part time job at the gym.

There were a few of them, regulars. And for three years I’d see these silver foxes come every day. A few women, mostly men. Don’t be fooled by the gray hair or wrinkles, these people could kick your ass at boot camp or in the pool.

Which brings me to Don. Champion bridge player, lover of ladies and poodles, fisherman and hunter. He was the oldest guy I knew who’d met his wife on the internet. Don was fit and certainly did not look or act his 70 plus years. So, when he started having long drawn out nosebleeds last October he got it checked out before he left for to winter over in Florida. For the last year he’s been getting experimental treatments for a form of leukemia. Last week I saw him at the gym and thought he looked rather gray.  On Monday of this week, Don’s wife emailed me to say that Don had passed away. The subject line said: “please forgive me for this email – it’s so impersonal”.

But I didn’t feel that. The message was brief:

Don passed away this morning in his sleep
there will be a memorial for him at our home this Saturday at noon.

Don’s wife wasn’t on Facebook, but kept everyone in her address book updated on his condition, so I was glad to know what his status was. Although I only knew him for three years, Don was my friend, and felt like a grandfather to me, although it would have been offended his ego to be considered so paternally.

The strength of this small demo I encountered almost tricked me into thinking that you could live forever. I was kind of surprised when he died and had to remind myself that he was almost 80. Time ran out.

Another email followed to invite friends and loved ones over to the house at noon, bring a lawn chair, meats provided by the Bridge Club. I have some great memories to share.

 

Filed Under: Confessions, Fitness, Memorial Service Ideas, obituaries Tagged With: aging, back yard memorial service, Senior Fitness

Funeral for a Friendship?

August 12, 2009 urngarden.com

The whole reason I forced myself on Anne of Shifting Gears was a post she wrote about her girlfriends.  The day I read it I knew I had to reconnect with a childhood friend that over the last few years, frankly, I’ve neglected. Five years after starting my own business I realize that in building it, I’ve let my friendships fade. She reminded me the importance of nurturing this part of  life.

In our conversation, she also mentioned that her parents had been cremated and simple wood urns were the natural choice for both parents. They didn’t want their kids to spend a lot on a funeral and didn’t want to be buried.  What to do with the urns? One of Anne’s daughters suggested that since they both loved to read, why not use each urn as a bookend until a final resting place could be determined? So, Anne’s parents reside on the bookshelf in her home for now.

Polaroid image courtesy of: Square America

Filed Under: Confessions, cremation, Fitness, funeral service, Memorial Service Ideas, urns Tagged With: funeral for a friend

Social Marketing

January 7, 2009 urngarden.com

JP’s post on the Twitter tool, blew me out of the water and totally validated my thoughts on using the application for my business. Over the past year I’ve watched the My Space come and go, Facebook is hot, and now Twitter. Meanwhile, I’m still clunking away trying to understand the blog concept.

And frankly folks, nobody wants to read about death and dying every word of every post, and Blawg knows, I can’t bear to write about it. Jet Packs’ laid it on the line:

And here’s where marketers fail: They don’t see the revenue stream. And here’s what they don’t want to hear: There is no revenue stream. Corporate blogs failed for the same reason. No one wants to write a company blog (and even fewer want to read it) that amounts to nothing more than spider food, especially when you have the comments feature disabled.

The blog has worked as spider food, and I’ll continue plunking away, trying to blend the life that I currently live: fitness in the morning, funeral in the afternoon.

Filed Under: Advertising, Confessions, Cube World, Fitness, funeral service, mental health Tagged With: blogs, corporate blogs, facebook, My Space, social marketing, Twitter

Amy Joins A Gym

January 3, 2009 urngarden.com

My prediction that Amy Winehouse would be dead by the end of the year didn’t play out. Word is that wino has hired a trainer and joined the Virgin Active Gym in London. Work it girl.

Filed Under: Confessions, Fitness Tagged With: amy winehouse, Fitness, New Year's Resolutions

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