Memorial Service Ideas

Can’t Get No Satisfaction

July 31, 2007 urngarden.com

We’re still digging out from the remodeling project, tedious, but liberating.

Two customer service issues with Amazon and Alltel have taken their toll.

As an Amazon merchant, we’ve had some issues regarding payment and communication and recently terminated our seller account. Amazon is difficult to do business with on the merchant level. After digging down deep for a phone number, I was connected to a rep in India and then transferred three times to someone who would “put a note in my file”. That’s what they said a month ago. Hmmmm. Suspicions confirmed…..

Alltel: Second visit in four days. The phone store experience has become reminiscent of a visit to the DMV. Silly me, I went to one of the smaller “satellite” stores thinking it might be less busy than the main location. Bad idea. The reps are pleasant enough, it’s the clients that are surly. Saturday, get new phone and revise contract.

Today, I planned a weekday 10 am visit for a simple accessory exchange, should be in and out. Count on a minimum 30 minute wait. Both days, customers are stacked up with lots of huffing and puffing going on. Three agents to service the masses. Saturday, they had a greeter to take names and route the traffic. They don’t answer the phone, which rings incessantly, but the ring tones blend in with the hip hop dance club music they play overhead. The kids love it.

Prior to the first visit, I made several attempts to call ahead to get the store hours, the recording does not divulge that information. Today, I saw two people stomp out of the store swearing they’d never use AllTel again.

Maybe they should expand the lounge area and serve cocktails while people are waiting. Or hire a few more agents. Saturday, my rep was demonstrating the phone internet features and pron proceeded to download in my face. Whoops! Krazy Kids!

On a brighter note the folks at urngarden.com have added a wholesale module for funeral directors to log-on and order the cremation urn styles that families WILL BUY. We’ve mined the data to show you what customers prefer in your area and you can build around it.

Today we’ll examine Florida. Most funeral homes in the USA carry the two standards Birds in Flight (I call it “Free Bird”) and the Classic. Both have matching 3″ keepsakes and are the most popular cremation urns sold in the Sunshine State from 2005 to present.

Speaking of memorial keepsake urns- from the 3″ brass standards to the cremation urn jewelry gold heart pendant, they all do well. Family packs of keepsake urns in quantities of 4-6 are a popular choice and we’ll mix and match if desired. Call me or call your supplier, but make it a point to stock the cremation urn styles that families prefer.

Celtic keepsake urns- we have an exclusive line that we’ve added in the last year.

Florida Families also purchased: Blue Swirl and Irish Rose .
Urn Garden blue urn

Florida families are doing the tree dedications and adding a bench or statuary as a cremation memorial.
Urngarden memorial stones

Clearing the Emotional Clutter Pt. 2

July 26, 2007 urngarden.com

HOW TO FREE YOURSELF OF MEMORY CLUTTER

* Realize that if you let go of an item, you do not let go of that person. People do not live on through material items.

* Hold on to items that only bring back positive memories, not painful ones.

* If there are items that encourage you to keep up a ritual based on grief, consider letting it go and focus on the positive instead.

* Make sure your space has a great representation of the past but also leaves room for you to celebrate the present and plan for the future.

* Keep the items that truly represent your loved one. To help, use this three-step process:

Step 1: Place all items in another area.

Step 2: If you’re looking to renovate a room, decide how you want to feel in that space.

Step 3: Sort everything into three categories: charity donations, keepsakes and items for a memory chest.

After almost six years, one family began the process of letting go of their young son. They begin with suitcases of his clothes and find a T-shirt that brings back painful memories of the end of his life. “Three years of our life was pain, and that’s like a memory of him. That’s still him,” his mother says.

“You have to separate the pain from the memory of your son,” organizational expert Peter Walsh says. Slowly, she lets go. “The thing is now this will be used by kids who need clothes. It will be put to great use by others who are less well off than you,” Peter says.

When deciding to keep certain things, that were part of the family routine, Peter wants to make sure this ritual is not unhealthy for the family. “The big focus in this is that stuff has power over you,” Peter says. “My concern [is] that often in touching things or looking at things they [are] connecting to the grief of the experience.”

Five hours later, the family finishes with four boxes of joyful memories.

When they described what they wanted in a home office, the family told Nate they wanted it to be functional but still honor their son’s memory.

Nate turned Jake’s old bedroom into a cheerful, organized office for the entire family. The new space is inviting. Calming blue walls, one of which is covered in cork with family photographs and mementos from the past, but room for the future picture perfect moments.

Nate and Peter pulled out all the stops for a memory chest using a beautiful armoire from “Remember when we gathered everything that you wanted to keep into the memory chest pile?” Peter says. “It’s important to understand that those things that you wanted to keep can be stored anywhere as long as they’re stored with honor and respect. And in the case of the room, the armoire’s the perfect place for that.”

On the other side of the room is a matching armoire to organize office supplies. “There are two cabinets, one’s past, one’s present and future,” Nate says.

The family loves the tribute and says they are glad the room is no longer a shrine. “It’s more of a healthy room….it’s not stuck in 2001. Now it’s 2007 and forward.”

Neighborhood Garden Memorials

July 22, 2007 urngarden.com

When we stroll through the garden, we’ll stop and pay tribute to the makeshift memorials we find. At the elementary school is a marker dedicated to a school employee who died suddenly. A tree has been planted in his memory. Simple.

Sometimes planting a tree in your loved one’s memory can give the family a place to return to honor the loved one. Tree plantings can be marked with a tree dedication stone personalized with artwork and the departed’s name and dates

At the high school nearby there’s this simple roadside memorial.

A more elaborate memorial is tucked in a quiet corner of a nearby bed and breakfast.

Memorial stepping stones, memorial garden plaques, as well as a statuary or garden memorial sculpture are other ideal ways to memorialize your loved one if you are limited in space because these items can represent your loved ones’ personality. Garden stones and garden benches can be used indoors or out, and are all loving touches in your sacred space.

Regardless of the memorial garden that you choose best represents your passed loved one, memorials can be used to heal, restore, and remember the time and life that your loved one spent on Earth.

Today’s tip for better living: Get your hands dirty!

Back Yard Memorial Gardens

July 18, 2007 urngarden.com

UrnGarden Greeting

Many of our clients are keeping the cremated remains of their loved ones close….in the home or on the property. Today, we’re sharing some examples of loving tributes created by real people. My grandmother, Etta introduced me to the healing and restorative powers of memorial gardens when she lost her husband and son.

At the time, Etta lived in a rural area and had the space to create her memorial garden. She chose a military theme to honor her husband and son’s service in the Navy.

urngarden memorial garden

Not the greatest photo, but you get the idea. Several years later, we packed her up and moved her closer to the family in a condo right in the middle of town. The fountain was sold at an auction, but the remainder of the garden was transplanted to the men’s burial site.

Apartment dwellers and other urbanites may not have the luxury of a small space for planting, but there are other alternatives and we’ll cover those tomorrow. For more information on creating a loving memorial garden or tribute, visit our site urngarden.com

Other examples:

“What I did was set up bird feeders because Eddie so loved his birds. I remember on the morning of his death- it was just daybreak- and as they carried his body to the ambulance, the birds were singing everywhere! Everyone noticed. It seemed the birds sensed something was very different and were saying goodbye (or maybe hello) to him.”

“My husband died very young of a chronic illness. His acceptance of his death was beyond understanding. He asked that his ashes become “part of the good earth”. He died on the vernal equinox. On the summer solstice, our family planted a flowering crab tree, one he always wanted, with his ashes mixed into the roots. Our oldest son graduated from high school one year later, and we took pictures of him in his cap and gown with “Dad”, who was blossoming beautifully. As long as they live, this will always be “Dad’s tree.”

Our tree dedication stones are an excellent way to dedicate your sacred space.

For those without the room or the ability to create an elaborate, in-ground garden, a patio or indoor pot can be planted instead. A simple potted planting can be just as meaningful as more complex garden. Bend a wire coat hanger into the shape of a heart and secure in potting soil. Plant a climbing vine that you can train to grow up the wire. Rosemary symbolizes remembrance, English Ivy friendship are easy plants to train into a topiary form.

Today’s tip for better living: Tell everyone special to you that you love them!

Ceremony for Scattering Ashes

July 16, 2007 urngarden.com

Today we’ll look at memorial ceremonies for scattering ashes.

The best advice on most of these methods is KEEP IT LOW and check the wind, unless you want a face full…

More information and resources on cremation memorials for spreading ashes can be found on our site.

Scattering Methods

* Casting: is the act of simply tossing the ashes to the wind. Usually done by one individual while others look on. Care and consideration of others should be used when casting. Check the direction of the wind and cast down wind. The ashes are mostly made up of a dense sand like matter and will quickly fall to the ground but some of it will be a fine powder and this will become airborne forming a whitish gray cloud. Casting can also be done as a group. People can take turns doing a partial scattering one at a time. I have also seen group scattering where multiple people scattered simultaneously in a toast-like gesture using paper cups.

* Trenching: This is done on land when a shallow trench or groove is dug in the soil. A hoe works well. Then the trench is filled from the scattering urn and usually racked over at the conclusion of the ceremony. You can get creative and dig the persons name in the soil, maybe inside a heart, then fill the void with the ashes. If its not too windy, candles can go in the ground alongside the trench for a more spiritual feel. Imagine filling a trenched name in beach sand and having the group form a ring around it. You can place and time it right so the tide will come up and wash the remains back to the sea while you all wade in the surf and share memories.

* Ringing: This is when we form a ring on the ground around an object or even a group of objects, it can be with or without a trench. The scattering urn will need to be held close to the ground when pouring the ring. Some ideas include a ring around a favorite tree or shrub. How about a ring around a group of candles or a memory table? The survivors can be the outer ring and take turns entering the ring to share words of remembrance.

* Raking: The ashes are poured from the scattering urn evenly on loose soil and raked into the ground, at the conclusion of the scattering ceremony. This is often how it is done in the scattering gardens that are now located in many cemeteries. Your funeral director can help you find a scattering garden in your area.

* Green Burial: A hole is made in the soil and the ashes can either be poured in or a biodegradable scattering urn can be placed in and covered. Many cemeteries will let you scatter on the grave site as long as the remains are buried. If the cemetery requires an urn, the biodegradable style is often permitted. Multiple scatterings or green burial can be done on one grave even if a casket has been buried the ashes can go on top. As with any scattering it is important to establish a permanent memorial so survivors have a place to continue remember and heal in the years to come.

* Water scattering: When scattering over a body of water a water-soluble urn can enhance the experience. These urns are specifically designed to gradually disperse the ashes back to the sea. Ashes can be cast directly into the water, but will often blow back at the boat and cling to the sides of the boat. This can be both frustrating and unsightly. A water-soluble urn will usually float for several minutes then slowly sink where it will degrade or melt back to the sea. The survivors will often toss flowers or petals as a final tribute as the urn slowly drifts away. There are professionals with boats available that will do either private water scatterings or create an event were the survivors may voyage and participate. Your funeral director will usually have the contacts to set this up in your area or you may find a provider on the resources section of this website.

* Aerial scattering: Usually done by professionals, this is done when the ashes are cast from a private plane. Some pilots will coordinate with your ceremony to fly over and cast the ashes at a specified place and time. On clear days a cloud of ash can be seen from the ground. Most professionals will provide a certificate of the place and time and even photos. Some will allow passengers to attend the scattering for an extra fee.

Dispersing of cremated remains comes with a variety of regulations that vary by location, and typically requires a permit from the local health department as well as permission from the location where you are planning on scattering the ashes. Scattering cremated remains, like any other method of saying your final good-byes, is emotionally very difficult. This is a good time to ask other family members or friends if keepsake portions need to be retained for those that may want a small portion.

By being knowledgeable about the available options makes the process a little easier, and establishing a permanent memorial for survivors to pay tribute to the departed often helps in the mourning process, and enables people a place to heal and remember their loved one for years to come.

Today’s tips on methods of scattering or spreading ashes is courtesy of our friends at Cremation Solutions.

More information on planning a memorial service or ceremony for spreading ashes: