Confessions

Expressing Sympathy in the Digital Age

March 19, 2013 urngarden.com

Sorry for your loss — Source: Letters of Note

The digital age has given most people the freedom to say whatever they want, whenever they choose. When something good — or bad — happens, you can let hundreds of people know about it in a matter of seconds through texting, making a cell phone call, or posting a status update on a social network. What about when a friend or family member dies? Is it OK to write an email, send a text, or compose a status update of condolence? Has technology made it simpler for people to communicate to the point that a simple text of “I’m sorry” overrules the tradition of sending a sympathy card or note? Or has this form of communication become so acceptable that other means are now too antiquated?

It is true that the art of a handwritten note or letter has been lost to e-mail. It not only saves a tremendous amount of time, but money thanks to rising postal costs. Often, though, it is OK to send a brief condolence (two or three sentences) this way. For example, if your friend lost her mother to cancer, it is fine to send an email expressing your sympathy. However, don’t send an email condolence to a person whose loved one died if you’ve never communicated this way with him or her. It is not only inappropriate, but shows a lack of consideration on your part.

You should never text a condolence to someone. It’s too informal for such a serious matter. Also, posting or sending a brief condolence publicly on a social network is a no-no unless the death has already been formally announced this way by a family member. Frequently, a link to the online obituary may accompany this announcement so it’s OK to comment or even sign the guest book.

Finally, any sympathy message sent digitally should always be followed up with a personal card or letter. Even if you’ve acknowledged the loss earlier, it’s best to do so again in writing. Make sure you also express your sympathy, include a memory of the deceased (if possible) and end with a thoughtful phrase, poem, or other kind words.

The recipient of the note in the image above said “This letter from my late mother’s doctor changed my life.”

Memorial Service Ideas: Final Ride

February 20, 2013 urngarden.com

If you had the chance to plan your “last ride” to your final resting place when you die, whether it be a cemetery, mausoleum or where ever you want to be planted, what would you choose? A traditional hearse? Horse and buggy? Or would you want something so unique, that you know it will provide a lasting impression to all the guests?

Traditionally, funeral processions are general in nature. Vehicles line up behind a hearse or lead car and take one last stroll from the funeral home or church to the cemetery.

However, there is a new trend emerging in funeral processions: Instead of riding to the cemetery in a regular hearse, some people are choosing to have their final ride in a Harley-Davidson hearse. A decked out, three-wheel conversion motorcycle pulls a coach — and thus the deceased person — to his or her final resting place.

Once a biker, always a biker, right?

This type of hearse is already popping up in several cities around the United States, and people are starting to notice. This break-through style is definitely opening the doors for others to roll out unique hearse designs. Although the Harley hearse is more popular, some funeral homes and specialty companies are also using converted ambulances, classic cars, and yes, even garbage trucks.

Grieving The Loss of a Child

February 6, 2013 urngarden.com

There’s a saying that goes “If a wife loses a husband, she’s a widow; if a child loses his parents, he’s an orphan. But, what do you call a parent who loses a son or daughter?” Bereaved? Devastated? Lost? Empty? These words scrape only the surface of the emotions felt by a mother when her child dies.

Thirteen years ago this past weekend, my daughter, Emily Irene, passed away from birth defects. She lived for eight hours on life support. When she was born, she was whisked away so quickly that I never got to touch or hold her. In fact, I never even saw her eyes open or heard her cry. Thinking back to this day brings tears to my eyes and an ache to my heart. All these years later as I think about celebrating her birthday, my grief is still as fresh as it was back then.

And that’s OK.

Because mothers have a lifelong attachment to their children, they always hold them close, no matter where they reside, what their age or if they are alive or dead. It’s just human nature, and most times, it is a bond that is never broken.

This past Saturday, as I entered the cemetery with my family to leave flowers at Emily’s grave, I saw another child’s funeral being performed. It wasn’t hard to spot the smaller white casket; granted it wasn’t a baby who died, but it was someone’s son or daughter. Despite the grief I experienced, I knew of the helplessness and desperation that child’s mother was feeling, and I know that in one month, one year, or even 10 years, there will be days or instances when that grief will come flooding back.

You see, the pain never goes away. Ever. The grief a mother feels when her child dies is so deep and so raw that no amount of closure, support, and even living will take away the memory someone so precious and so dear. So, don’t think that just because a certain amount of time has passed, that a mother is fine on her child’s birthday. No one should define the amount of time a person grieves a loved one. Grief has no timeline.

About the author: Mary Beth Adomaitis is a freelance writer living in Southern California with her husband and two living children. After her daughter’s death, she began writing about Death and Dying topics as a way helping others going through the tragic loss of a child. She can be reached at mba317@mac.com.

Sweet Memorial Idea: Instagram Pillows, Purses, and Totes

January 28, 2013 urngarden.com

Pet Memorial Pillow — Source: Stitchagram

Instagram users can design a personalized memorial gift with the help of a brother and sister team in our nation’s capitol. Doug and Rachel Pfeffer. Their site Stitchtagram lets you login with you or your beloved’s Instagram account and keeps the memories alive on a linen or cotton canvas in the form of pillows, purses, and tote bags.

Looks like the tote bag holds at least 16 images, providing the back is a solid fabric and is about 13 inches square. $78.00

instagram coin-purse — Source: Stitchtagram

I love the coin purse clutch, it’s a good size for your cell phone and a few coins. $82.00

According to their website, Doug works on the internet and Rachel is a jeweler. When Rachel’s not designing/packing/shipping/carting around pillows and fabric, she’s soldering in her DC apartment. I’m guessing she’s about to get busy with some stitching, because not only is this a great tribute idea, it would be a fun Valentine gift. Everything is hand made right here in America. Plan on 2-3 weeks to get your design. Sorry, no rush orders.

Pastel Paintings: A Perfect Pet Memorial

January 21, 2013 urngarden.com

Over the years we’ve had a few clients who have had professional photographers shoot pictures of their pets. Typically, the pet owners tend to favor small breeds like Maltese and Yorkies.

Marla Rush Parnell takes it a step further and paints beautiful pastel portraits of large or small breed pets. Pastels are pure sticks of pigment that when blended on the paper create lush layers of rich color. The beauty of pastels is that after they are behind glass, they are the most permanent form of media and won’t crack or yellow over time.

Marla’s original works of art honor the spirit of the animal by capturing the personality of the pet. Marla likes to personally meet with her clients but when that’s not possible, the digital age allows her to expand her reach to work long distance with pet owners who email photos. She provides the personal touches that local clients get, like final proof approval and the artist’s recommendation for color coordinated mat boards and framing that will showcase the portrait. The painting can take up to 8 weeks, but is so worth the wait.

Marla’s award winning work is a beautiful way to create a tribute that doubles as art work.

Visit the artist gallery at Parnell Studios and consider a pastel painting to create the perfect pet memorial.