Life in the Garden

Matters of Life and Death

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Half-Ash Settlement

Greetings!

While we never followed the movements of Anna Nicole Smith when she was alive, somehow we’ve been sucked into the complications swirling around the paternity of her baby girl and 10 year legal battle for her late husband’s 1.6 billion dollar estate.

Dirtsister was unaware that ANS and J. Marshall’s son even fought over who would get Paw-Paw’s remains! The court determined the widow and son would split the ashes.

It’s a busy week in the garden and we’re happy to report that most of the debris from the January ice storm has been removed. Now we are hearing locals complain about tire tracks in their yards and “Where’s my FEMA check?” Please.

During the ice storm we visited with a client in upstate New York who remarked that it’s been an unusually warm winter and was 60 degrees that day. They are reaping the rewards of the warm winter now, buried in five feet of snow.

Here’s your tip for the day: Have a secret hiding place!

Memento Mori

Greetings!

Yesterday’s post regarding death masks and infant mortality was a disturbing topic, but it triggered a memory about my late grandfather’s habit of photographing the corpse at the funeral, he did it with all of our family members and I remember thinking it was odd. My mother may have returned the favor at his funeral but I don’t recall.

Anyway, I wanted to know, where did this bizarre custom come from? I didn’t spend a lot of time on the research, but it looks like the novelty of photography in the 1800’s spurred the trend. For many families it may have been the only photograph of the deceased ever taken.
After viewing some of the poses on the Memento Mori site, I’m delighted that this morbid fad faded away.

No pictures please, move along, there’s nothing to see.

Today’s tip for better living: Turn off the t.v. and go look at the stars.

Speaking of television, I’m guessing that Astronaughty Lisa Nowak is relieved with the wall to wall coverage of Anna Nicole….not one word on Lisa’s crazed antics today.

February Heart Break Month

Greetings! Today has been a nutty day and February is Heart Month, so let’s get started.
We’ll start with Anna Nicole Smith, 39. Died of a broken heart. We’ll wait for the medical examiner’s report, but trust me….broken heart. Pray for her baby. So many complications in that story, interesting case study for the law students. Not to mention feeding frenzy by the media.
Speaking of babies, the loss of a child is too painful to write about, we talked to a family today that lost a babe due to a freak accident in the home. Heartbreaking.

We love all things Egyptian and overheard a recent visitor to the Tut Exhibit in Chicago describing the some of the death masks on display. Evidently, it was common practice to make masks of infants, including the still born. Heart stopping.
If there is any good news to be found in all of this, the infant mortality rate has plummeted. The numbers have completely shifted.

From funeralwire.com, here’s a quote from Van Pine, president of American Funeral Consultants, New Paltz, N.Y. In the course of human history, most cultures have been made up of parents who buried their children, because most deaths occurred to young people, Pine said. Today’s Baby Boomer funeral directors are really sort of the tail end of…the first generation where children are burying their parents. This is a huge shift.

This change has been little noticed because it has unfolded over generations, as better sanitation and healthcare as well as cures to numerous childhood diseases have gradually reduced the death rate among the nation’s young people. But take a look at this longer view that Pine provided of the average age of Americans at the time of death:

1900: 0-14 53% 65-plus 17%
1950s: 0-14  9% 65-plus 53%
Today: 0-14 2% 65-plus 75%

A century ago, Pine said, his great-grandfather worked as a funeral director and had two livery set-ups: a black hearse with black horses for adults, and a white hearse with white horses for younger folks who had died. They ran the white hearse more than they did the black hearse he said. All the customs that we have were built around burying young people….The needs (of families) began to shift some time in the 30s, 40s and 50s, and we didn’t necessarily recognize it.

Look at those statistics again: A century ago, only one-sixth of funerals were likely to be arranged for a parent 65 years or older; today, more than three-quarters of funerals fit that bill. That means younger and younger people are involved in the funeral arrangement. People are burying and cremating different kinds of people. The relationships are different, Pine adds. The meaning of life and death is different…Many funerals in the past were to recognize that which never could be, because it was the death of a child. And today, we’re recognizing that which was. In other words, today’s funeral arranger is more likely to be an adult child who wants to help create a meaningful, personalized and even celebratory event for a parent who lived a full life.

That’s enough about that. Here’s today’s tip for better living:

No matter your gender: Own some go-go boots.

Generation X Decisions in Death

The February issue of Mortuary Management’s Colleague Wisdom asks funeral directors around the country what the trends are with younger patrons planning funerals.

Generation X’ers are likely to choose cremation for a parent or older adult, but tend to make burial arrangements for a child.

A Colorado funeral home reports that the younger clients associate viewings and funerals with grief, and prefer “celebrations” for remembering over traditional funerals. Service details tend to be more creative, often coordinated by close friends of the family. Visitations include mementos, videos, and photos on display tracing the life of the loved one.

Video tributes tend to by chosen by the younger clients and even though the funeral home may offer that service, often Xrs choose to produce the a video on DVD or Powerpoint presentation themselves. From personal experience, the video tribute is a nice touch and really personalizes the service.

A funeral director in Oregon reports that his younger clients often request an ID viewing of the body before disposition.

Arizona reports that when asked the question, “What do you want for a final tribute?”, the answer is often …they are not sure what they want….but…they DO know what they DON’T want.

We see many of these trends in the Garden, families that come to us a year or two after the passing and decide on an urn and final resting place. It’s not unusual to hear about someone storing their loved one’s ashes in the temporary container on the nightstand beside their bed and then feeling strong enough to make a decision.

Families that choose to scatter the ashes sometimes like to plant a tree or place a memorial stone in the garden. More families are purchasing keepsake items and choosing to keep the ashes in the home as opposed to burial. On a whim, we decided to add a line of jewelry that discreetly holds a tiny amount of ashes or lock of hair and has been hugely popular with families.

It’s a personal choice.

Mr. Urngarden has been instructed to harvest anything of value and pack the rest into a mortar shell for a big fireworks show! Enjoy!

Things to Do Before You Die: Discourage all things that come in gray.

Let’s Roll

Good Day! We’re back and bring greetings from the garden! This blog is a commentary on the full cycle of Life, coming to you LIVE from one of red states in the Midwest. Dirtsister here, trying to establish communications to the outside world. Can you read me?

We’ve attempted to blog infrequently before on another network, so little in fact, I’ve carried those two postings over. We are purveyors of fine funeral goods and have other projects in development, this essay is dedicated to the urngarden.com site

Urngarden.com was stated to bring families alternatives to cremation urn choices. We’ll be talking to families who are dealing with difficult choices and their experiences as well as observations on how the funeral homes are being affected by cremation families. It’s not all death and destruction here, it’s also daily observations.
Don’t be afraid.

And don’t mock my writing style, I’ve left the world of editors and English majors, and live in a self imposed world of isolation. I write like I talk, and I’m developing a new language called “High Class Hillbilly”.

From the mailbox: one of our clients sent this picture of her urn display and I must say I love her style.

Christina says: “My Mom loved the Ocean. I put sand, seashells and a small plastic bottle of ocean water from Florida in the urn.”
Thanks for sharing, Christina.

A heart felt thank you to our client families who patiently endured our struggle during the ice storm that hit our community in Jan. 12, Ten or twelve days without power tested our resolve. Thanks also to the Asplundh service crew that descended on this area and helped to restore our power. Asplundh bills itself as a Vegetation Management Service, I say they are a world class outfit, and I was impressed by the professional handling of their titanium blades. To wake up to the sound of chainsaws at 3 AM (on a school night!) was one thing, but to see these guys hanging from a bucket truck, skillfully sawing and blazing the way in darkness was an awesome sight. Hats off to the City for contracting this service. Hope Florida has them on retainer for their latest disaster.

We’ll close with a tip for one more thing to do before you die: LIVE.