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ice storm

Pass The Salt, Please

February 22, 2008 urngarden.com

Linwood

The view out the window at World Headquarters. This is the street that sold me when I bought the shack.

Beautiful sunsets, a lilac bush, bird bath. It’s a good view for not much money.

But with the beauty, comes a price. At certain times of the day this thoroughfare is heavily traveled with teenagers on their way to and from school and the nearby parks (another selling point at the time). Last summer the City re-designed the intersection to slow traffic down. The kids sometimes get it on two wheels around the corner.

After 10 years of living here I can tell what time it is just by the traffic sounds, and 7:45 AM is when we start getting busy with it.

7:45 is also the time that Mr. Greenjeans conducts a sacred ceremony in the “library” and this morning services were in full swing.

Despite this 3rd round of ice, school was in session today and the world is moving according to schedule.

Right outside his window, Mr. Greenjeans could hear the traffic noise and thought to himself: “Somebody gonna hit the house!”

And then as if it were a self-fulfilling prophesy: Ker-Thunk!

A vehicle manned by a teenage boy skated through the stop sign, jumped the curb and hurtled into my house. It was bound to happen. In ten years of living here, the kids have drove through the lawn, bit my tree, hit the fence, and now……sideswiped my brand new a.c. unit.

Well, it was either that, the tree, the fire plug, or the shed full of explosives. Good God Y’all!

Mr. Greenjeans was indisposed so I sprang into action, to survey the damage. The kid had parked on the street and was pulling my ornamental iron out of his undercarriage while he dialed up Dad.

He was visibly shaken, and thankful he was able to get it sideways and back on the road. Very apologetic.

I went inside and donned my best jump suit and prepared to Meet The Parents.

Can I get a salt truck over here?

Filed Under: Confessions Tagged With: ice storm

Jesus Take The Wheel

January 23, 2008 urngarden.com

sled

So yesterday was a little slick, a thin glaze that made the morning commute a little dicey. The Grey Goose handled beautifully through the red light as I narrowly avoided a cargo van turning left in front of me, as well as oncoming traffic.

After a “Holy Sh*t!”, we prayed for divine intervention and skated right through it!

Lawsey!

Meanwhile in the garden, we’re in full blown hibernation mode. And getting a little fluffy at that.

On the mean streets, the kids are Burning Down the House:
house fire

Pulled into the drive and heard breaking glass, turned to see flames shooting out the window. This building has been vacant and we’ve had trouble keeping the kids out.

I’ve known several boys that have burned down the house, barn, or set a field on fire. Accidentally. Oops! Grown men too.

In fact, I’ve suggested that we start start our own “Burning Man” festival. Food, family, and a controlled burn. We have a retired firefighter captain and trained health professionals in the family ready to assist.

This idea came to me after spending a summer growing my eyebrows out after a flame- out in my backyard.

Uncles and Dad have both been to the emergency room with burn injuries. Uncle got a lesson in the explosive qualities of gasoline, while burning a brush pile. Dad, injured on the job when a burning ember fell down his boot and fried the top of his foot.

One of the best parties of my youth, involved setting a sofa on fire. That’s when I realized the toxicity of vinyl furniture.

Good Times.

Later, me and my posse slipped out the back door when we spotted an old high school alumni turned undercover cop in the mix.

burning man

Good party ya’ll! See ya!

Filed Under: Confessions, mental health Tagged With: burning man, ice storm

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